Mackenna's Gold

Oh, cable, how I love you. I basically have two channels on if I'm watching TV, either MLB Network or Encore Westerns. A whole channel devoted to western TV shows and movies?!? Aaahhh my head just exploded! It gives me a chance to revisit a whole bunch of movies I haven't seen in years, like 1969's Mackenna's Gold, a big-budget, all-star extravaganza that I remember liking (I think) on my first viewing. Does it hold up?

A marshal for the western town of Hadleyburg, Mackenna (Gregory Peck) is out on the trail when he's ambushed by an old Apache man who dies after a quick shootout. Before he dies, the Apache gives Mackenna a map to a famous, supposedly lost, canyon of gold ('Canon del Oro') that treasure hunters have long sought. Mackenna throws the map in the fire but not before noticing a couple landmarks on it. He's soon cornered by a Mexican bandit, Colorado (Omar Sharif), and his gang who similarly are looking for the canyon of gold. They're not alone. The desert seems full of treasure hunters and gold-hopefuls desperately searching for the gold. Discovering that Mackenna may hold the key to finding the canyon, he's taken along as Colorado's unwilling prisoner. The supposed location is days away across the vast desert with Mackenna, Colorado and his men forced to deal with a do-good posse out of Hadleyburg, an intervening cavalry troop and an Apache war party. How far will the prospect of gold drive all these folks?

I'm a sucker for westerns -- good and bad -- but this one is bad and just not that enjoyable. Talk about a movie where the ingredients don't come together (at all), and you've got this movie. The talent on-hand is unquestionable from director J. Lee Thompson, stars Gregory Peck and Omar Sharif leading a ridiculously deep cast, a cool, potential-filled story and a drop-dead look to it all...it should have been so much better. Or I guess I'd settle for just 'good' too. The formula seems to go after a western Guns of Navarone meets Treasure of the Sierra Madre combination, but it never jells into anything remotely coherent or especially enjoyable. That's tough to say because a cast this good should make a movie pretty decent on its own but alas, it wasn't meant to be this time! If you're looking for a Peck-Thompson-Carl Foreman pairing, stick with 'Navarone.'

Kudos to Encore Westerns. Watching the movie for the second time but first time since 2009, I watched it in widescreen, as it was meant to be. Thompson filmed in Super Panavision 70, a filming technique that fills the screen to epic proportions, almost like a panoramic picture. Shooting on-location in Monument Valley, Glen Canyon and Canyon de Chelly in Arizona adds a great visual appeal to the movie. Shots of riders galloping across these expanses are excellent to watch, a sight to behold, and unfortunately, one of the few genuine positives to take away from a western that's too long at 128 minutes. When a movie's looks are the best thing going...that's never a good thing.

Poor Gregory Peck, he looks like he's as bored as all get-out and doesn't quite know what to do. One of my all-time favorite actors, he's undone by all the shenanigans going on around him. Getting to play straight man to a murdering bandit, a gold-for-eyes posse, a bloodthirsty Apache war party, a murdering cavalry sergeant (an underused Telly Savalas), and all sorts of ancient legends coming to life is never a good thing. As reliable as anyone who's ever graced the screen, Peck is given little more to do than look out for Camilla Sparv's damsel in distress while navigating a love triangle with Julie Newmar's Apache warrior and Sparv. Yeah, you read that right. Catwoman plays an Apache warrior and looks great doing it! She even gets an odd nude swimming scene where she tries to kill both Peck and Sparv. So there's that!

So much of the rest of the cast is simply miscast. I like Sharif in just about any film he's ever done, but he's an odd choice to play our Mexican bandit, Colorado. His gang includes Keenan Wynn as a Mexican bandit named Sanchez, with Ted Cassidy (Lurch from The Addams Family), Rudy Diaz and Robert Phillips as Apache warriors. All spot-on casting! Brace for this list of appearances that amount to little more than cameos, members of a "posse" out of Hadleyburg that's looking for gold. The group includes Eli Wallach, Anthony Quayle, Lee J. Cobb, Burgess Meredith, Raymond Massey and Edward G. Robinson!!! Look at that Hollywood royalty! Unfortunately, they're introduced, given nothing to do and there basically because of their name recognition. So....yeah....there's that! Quite the cast, huh? I just wish they were given more to do. Maybe that character development was cut from the rumored 3-hour version of the film. Yeah, that's it I'm sure.
  
Just too many moving pieces that never get going in the same direction. There's virtually no story, just some character introductions and then they're off into the desert. The only detour are various ways to kill off characters in waves. Then, there's the beautiful location shooting, with a slight problem. Countless times, one after another, we see the location shots and then a quick cut to our actors in front of a rear projection shot. Nothing takes you out of the story's momentum like Peck, Sharif and Co. riding a "horse" as they tear across the desert. Throw in some odd, out of place narration (it's not Victor Jory's fault!), some painful theme ballads, and generally odd cutting and editing that is more and more jarring with each passing scene.

There's a meanness to the story that's hard to account for. Characters are introduced for the sake of dispatching them in unceremonious fashion, but the general tone of the movie itself isn't that dark. It feels like they're going for that "Greed will make you do horrible things" tone, but it's too light, fluffy and goofy to pull it off. There's some potential obviously with the all-star cast, some equally impressive camera angles and shots, and the location shooting, but there's just too much negative going on to ignore it. A stinker.

Mackenna's Gold (1969): **/****

Beyond the Poseidon Adventure

I've never hid my feelings about sequels and remakes. Sure, they can be lazy and big, old cash-cows, but if there's a need to make more movies or an interesting plotline or character(s), then I'm all for it. Same for remakes. If the original sucked or had untapped potential, then fire away. But the other efforts? The purely for the big payday efforts...yeah, here we are today. I watched 1979's Beyond the Poseidon Adventure because I could, because I'm an idiot and...yeah, here's the review.

It's New Year's Eve and Captain Mike Turner (Michael Caine) is on the Mediterranean Sea on his tugboat, the Jenny, with his first mate, partner and friend, crusty seaman, Wilbur (Karl Malden), and a spunky young woman, Celeste (Sally Field), they picked up at their last port. Turner is in some serious financial trouble and will likely see his boat repossessed very soon. But out at sea, they stumble across the floating wreckage of the S.S. Poseidon as a helicopter flies away overhead. Turner's eyes light up. He claims the salvage rights for the ship and taking a huge risk tries to get onto the capsized cruise ship. Turner isn't alone though. Another ship boards, a Dr. Stefan Svevo (Telly Savalas) explaining his ship heard a distress signal and he intends to help any potential survivors. The ship could sink or explode at any moment, but Turner and Co. head into the wreckage, hoping to find some sort of treasure, money, diamonds...if they can survive.

What the hell? I mean, come on. Really? It took Master of Disaster Irwin Allen (directing and producing here) seven years to get this sequel made after the mega-success of 1972's The Poseidon Adventure. I liked the original Poseidon even if I didn't love it. It's hard not to appreciate it for all that it accomplished, influencing whole genres and hundreds of movies since. You know what it didn't call for? A sequel. As in AT ALL. This is an opportunity to make money, pure, plain and simple. Worst than that, it isn't even guilty pleasure good. The cast is interesting as they usually are with disaster movies, but mostly, it is just B-A-D.

It is literally the same movie with one minor change. We've got idiots heading into the sinking ship that is continually rocked with explosions. Sure, the reasons are greed-based (just about everyone can get on-board with that) but really? REALLY?!? And let's think about this for a minute. Does anyone actually believe that Telly Savalas is telling the truth? It's Telly Freaking Savalas. There's simply no way that he is what he says he is. The problem becomes that when the twist is revealed, it is absolutely ridiculous, ending in a gunfight in a cargo hold. So yeah, that happens but the twisting and turning story stretches the limits even for an unnecessary sequel. If it helps your peace of mind (and it should), things don't get better as the running time approaches two hours. It gets worse.

So at this point, the saving grace has to be the star power of the cast. The cast is pretty solid in name recognition, and the formula is the same as most disaster movies. Introduce all our Hollywood stars and see who makes it out relatively unscathed. This was an interesting part of Michael Caine's career, one he's admitted he was in it for the money. There's gems like The Swarm and more into the 1980s, Jaws IV: The Revenge. He was rough in 'Swarm,' but he's actually pretty decent here. He commits to the part/script -- however bad -- and goes for it. Along with Field, Malden and Savalas, there's also Peter Boyle, Jack Warden, Shirley Jones, Shirley Knight, Paul Picerni, Slim Pickens, Mark Harmon, Veronica Hamel, and Angela Cartwright rounding out our assorted ensemble of survivors. Give them some sort of personal background, throw them together and let things fall apart from there. It does so in pretty spectacular fashion.

Things get pretty out of control, truly boring and bad in the second half. The twists are ridiculous, and scene-to-scene, it just feels like everyone is trying too hard. Sally Field is at her disgustingly adorable cutest, always ready with a nervous one-liner in the face of impending doom. Slim Pickens hams it up like his paycheck depended on it and other stuff happens with other actors. Meh, just really bad pretty much from the get-go. Not even guilty pleasure good. Just lousy.

Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979): */****

Sol Madrid

Though the name might not be instantly recognizable, director Brian G. Hutton has been at the helm of two of my favorite movies, both of them WWII flicks, Where Eagles Dare and Kelly's Heroes. He only directed nine movies while also acting in film and television so those directing efforts? Gotta scoop them up when you can. Turner Classic Movies helped me out last week, screening 1968's Sol Madrid.

An undercover Interpol officer with a checkered past, Sol Madrid (David McCallum) has been tasked with possibly his most dangerous mission yet. A longtime right-hand man to a Mafia boss in NYC, Harry Mitchell (Pat Hingle) has gone rogue and stole $500,000 from the boss while running away with said boss' girlfriend. The catch? Mitchell has a computer-like mind and is able to remember everything he's ever done for the Mob. If Interpol or the FBI can bring him in and convince him to testify, the case is almost a sure thing against the Mafia. Madrid follows some leads and finds out that Mitchell has headed south of the border to Mexico and is hiding out with a rival mob boss in Acapulco. How can Madrid get to him and then convince him? Well, it starts with finding the mob boss' girlfriend, Stacey (Stella Stevens), and convincing her to help with the promise of protection. Can it all work out?

Even considering the very cool cast assembled here, I'd never even remotely heard of this one. But courtesy of TCM, here we sit! This is a movie I wanted to love but ended up only liking it. I'll get into the cast more in a bit, but it's NUTS! Filmed in Acapulco, featuring an appropriately quirky score from Lalo Schifrin, and a style and winding story that seems like a 1960s bizarre-o film noir...'Madrid' should have been better. That's it. It just should have been better in plain and simple words. This is a 1960s crime thriller that is missing that one special thing to make it a really solid, memorable flick. As is? It's okay, pretty cool in moments, kinda dumb/weird in others.

That cast though....man, it's worth watching just to see the collection of talent assembled. Let's start with the other Man from U.N.C.L.E., David McCallum himself. He never grew into a huge star -- he's probably most well-known for his Ducky role in NCIS -- but it's always cool to see him in a leading role, especially an anti-hero role like this. We meet Sol Madrid as he's resting in an apartment full of drugged-out heroin users. What an introduction! From there, it's one cold-blooded decision after another, all the while observing what's going on around him and planning steps in advance of everyone around him. Brutal, calculating and looking at the bottom line, Madrid risks it all over and over again. And that name? Sol Madrid?!? Sounds very fake, but damn, I wish I had a badass, ridiculously goofy and cool name like that.

I'm a sucker for ensemble casts though, and what we've got here for 'Madrid' is pretty impressive. Stevens specialized in these type of roles in the late 60s and early 70s as the damaged woman so it's right in her wheelhouse! She certainly has some fiery scenes with McCallum's Madrid. How about some tough guys?!? Hey, everybody, it's Telly Savalas as Emil Dietrich, a drug supplier with a rivalry against the Mafia! Next up, Ricardo Montalban as Jalisco, another undercover officer and Madrid's contact who may be too comfortable in his job. Oh, and there's Rip Torn as Villanova, the mob boss with a vengeful streak right up his back. Not a bad group, huh?

Also look for Paul Lukas as an older, experienced mobster, Michael Ansara as a Mexican police officer, Perry Lopez as Francisco, Dietrich's enforcer, and Michael Conrad as Scarpi, a mafia hitman tasked with killing Madrid and Stacey.

Probably the biggest flaw in this 90-minute flick is the story. It's far from pointed and doesn't seem to know where it's going, where it wants to end up. To get his hands on Mitchell, McCallum's Madrid partners up with Dietrich to bring huge amounts of heroin into the U.S. In a painfully slow scene, we actually see the smuggling effort, bringing an already slow pace down to a snail's speed. Things pick up in the final act with some good twists and finally some action, but as a whole, this isn't a consistent movie. Decent, pretty entertaining but with some serious flaws.

Sol Madrid (1968): ** 1/2 /****

Kelly's Heroes

Growing up, I always associated Memorial Day Weekend with the war movie marathons on TV that dotted TNT, AMC and Turner Classic Movies. I ate them up -- still do -- as I watched as many as I could. They're still some of my favorite movies, everything from The Dirty Dozen to The Devil's Brigade and one of my favorites, 1970's Kelly's Heroes.

It's fall 1944 and Allied forces are fighting their way across France, the German army slowly being beaten back. At the forefront of the Allied advance, a recon platoon, including Sgt. Big Joe (Telly Savalas), are worn down after months of fighting. One member of the platoon, Pvt. Kelly (Clint Eastwood), stumbles across an interesting tidbit of information while interrogating a German colonel. There is 14,000 bars of gold -- worth $16 million -- in a bank just waiting to be plucked. The catch? The bank is 30 miles behind German lines. Joe manages to convince both Big Joe and the platoon to navigate through the lines and get their hands on the gold. With a scrounger/supply sergeant, Crapgame (Don Rickles) and three Sherman tanks commanded by a hippie, Oddball (Donald Sutherland), along for the ride, Kelly and his motley crew of soldiers head out with a chance to net quite the payday.

What an appropriately timed World War II movie. By the late 1960s, the tone of war movies had changed from the big epics to the more cynical/comedic variety, movies like MASH and Catch 22 among others. Enter Kelly's Heroes, directed by Brian G. Hutton (who also directed Where Eagles Dare), one of the most entertaining war movies I've ever seen. Cynical with a dark sense of humor but also some lighter moments -- courtesy of Sutherland's hippie tank commander -- with some great action, memorable score, and one of those perfect tough guy casts. There's a reason it remains a fan favorite 40-plus years later, and much of it because it blends all those things together so effortlessly. Even an odd-sounding theme, Burning Bridges, fits perfectly in an odd way. It is one of my favorite movies and always will be, a classic war flick that I can sit down and watch whenever it pops up on TV.

Can you ask for a better lead quartet than Clint Eastwood, Telly Savalas, Don Rickles and Donald Sutherland? Yeah, there has been casts with bigger star power, bigger name recognition, but it's more than that here. This is four tough guys having fun, on-screen chemistry that's just hard to describe. They all get their chance in the spotlight. Eastwood is Eastwood, the impeccably cool and man of few words hero. Savalas is a subtle scene-stealer as Big Joe, the unofficial commander of the recon platoon (Hal Buckley playing the clueless real commander Capt. Maitland), just trying to get his men through the fighting unscathed and a somewhat unwilling participant in the gold heist. Rickles is an out of left field choice to join the cast, but it works, his Crapgame a smart-ass New Yorker always with an eye for a profit. And then there's Sutherland as Oddball, the tank commander always talking about positive waves (No Negative Waves, man!), his Zen-like qualities, heading into battle with music blaring and shells filled with paint waiting to be unleashed on the Germans.

As a fan of guy's guys movies, it's simply hard to beat those four stars. They make it look downright easy. Much of that chemistry and success comes from the script written by Troy Kennedy-Martin, a script with too many great one-liners to even mention. We see familiar character archetypes, familiar war movie situations -- stumbling into a minefield, prepping for battle -- but there's a different energy to the whole thing. It's that tone that blends the drama, comedy and action so easily that makes it work. Carroll O'Connor too is excellent in a part that lets him ham it up as General Colt, the fiery division commander who's frustrated with the stagnant front lines, getting a jolt of energy when Kelly's screwball force unintentionally opens things up all along the front. There's something to be said for a movie that is non-stop fun. It never gets heavy-handed or obvious like some more message-oriented war movies.

When the platoon looks back on a field where some of their fallen comrades lay dead in the dirt, there's no words that need to be said. The looks on the surviving men's faces says it all. Showing he's putting on appearances for his men, Big Joe turns and raises his binoculars to check one last time. The dynamic is there from the lead quartet right down to the platoon, a group of recognizable character actors clearly having some fun. The platoon includes Little Joe (Stuart Margolin), Big Joe's radioman, Cowboy (Jeff Morris) and Willard (Harry Dean Stanton), two drawling best buds, Gutowski (Dick Davalos), the sniper, Petuko (Perry Lopez), the smooth, goofy ladies man, Cpl. Job (Tom Troupe), Joe's second-in-command close friend, Fisher (Dick Balduzzi), the platoon genius, and Babra not Barbara (Gene Collins). Also, you can't forget Gavin MacLeod as Moriarty, Oddball's mechanical genius and constant provide of negative waves.

Also look for Seinfeld's Uncle Leo, Len Lesser, as Bellamy, an engineer Oddball ropes into helping the cause and Karl-Otto Alberty as a German tank commander who goes up against Kelly's forces and Oddball's tank trio.

With a 146-minute running time, we've got plenty of chances for guys being guys and plenty of action scenes. We get lots of action -- escaping a minefield, a tank attack on a railway station, the platoon racing through a German crossroad under mortar attack -- but the best is saved for last as the platoon descends on Clermont, the town where the bank and the gold are waiting. It's an extended sequence that runs about 35 minutes that doesn't rush into it. We get almost 10 minutes of the men and the tanks sneaking into town while the German garrison slowly wakes up, composer Lalo Schifrin's score driving the action. The entire movie was filmed in Czechoslovakia, the action finale filmed in the village of Vizinada. It's an extended sequence that is hard to beat.

Just a great movie overall. Great cast, incredibly quotable, lots of action, memorable soundtrack (Quentin Tarantino is a big fan of the score, especially Tiger Tank), and even a nod to Eastwood's spaghetti western background with a three-way showdown with said tank. One of my all-time favorites and hopefully you'll enjoy it just as much as I do.

Kelly's Heroes (1970): ****/****
Rewrite of August 2009 review

Johnny Cool

Some faces just stick with you as you watch more and more movies. A glare, a stare, a smile, a laugh, a maniacal laugh at that, just something easily remembered. Henry Silva qualifies on basically all of those things, a character actor who made a career out of playing supporting parts, usually crazy, psychopathic villains. He was GOOD at it, beyond good, a great bad guy. Then there's 1963's Johnny Cool where Silva got a starring role as the definition of an anti-hero bordering on out-and-out bad guy.

As a young teenager in 1940s Sicily with World War II raging, young Salvatore Giordano sees his mother killed by a German soldier. He joins the Italian partisans, becoming a hero across the countryside both during the war and after. Years pass and now Salvatore (Silva) is infamously known around the country and even internationally. Some know him simply as a bandit chieftain, others as a modern day Robin Hood. An exiled American gangster, Johnny Colini (Marc Lawrence), arranges a faked death for Salvatore as he has far bigger plans for him. Colini teaches Salvatore how to act and look like a gentleman, but more importantly he turns him into an unstoppable killer. His intended targets? The men who helped orchestrate Colini's exile. If Salvatore -- taking the gangster's name -- can pull it off, Colini's empire will be his.

Yikes. What a vicious, brutal movie. From director William Asher, it's even darker when you consider it was released in 1963. Playing like a hard-boiled, brutal, in your face film noir, 'Cool' is the definition of a B-movie. It's gritty and doesn't feel faked from beginning to end. While there are indoor/studio shots, there is also plenty of on-location scenes from New York City to Los Angeles to Las Vegas. The gloomy, impending doom, jazz-heavy score from Billy May and Johnny Worth permeates Asher's gangster/underworld story. This is a story based in smoky nightclubs, in backroom gambling halls, in gangsters' offices in high rises. Filmed in black and white, there's a great, throwback style throughout. I didn't love the movie -- little slow-moving at times -- but it does have a lot going for it.

From possibly unhinged supporting player to...partially unhinged leading player....Yeah, okay, maybe this part isn't a huge departure for Silva, but it's a chance he doesn't disappoint with. While there's a strong ensemble working with him, this is Silva's movie, plain and simple. It's cool to see the transformation his character goes through, from revenge-seeking teenager to infamous bandit to killing machine. It would have been cool to see some more background, more motivation -- is he solely interested in riches and fame? Is it something else, something more? -- but we see a man who becomes obsessed with achieving his goal. It's pretty apparent from the second we meet Salvatore/Johnny that this is one doomed dude, but the route he takes is certainly fascinating. Silva brings that intensity we've come to expect from the veteran character actor. A very interesting part.

The rest of the cast has its positives and negatives. Ever seen 1960s TV sitcom Bewitched? Yeah, Samantha herself, Elizabeth Montgomery plays Darien, a divorced woman looking for some excitement and getting more than she figured when she joins up with Silva's Johnny. How about some of Johnny's hopeful victims? There's Telly Savalas (sporting some hair), Jim Backus, John McGiver Brad Dexter and Mort Sahl. If that wasn't enough, also look for Joey Bishop, Sammy Davis Jr., Richard Anderson, Elisha Cook Jr. Beyond Montgomery and Savalas, no one on this list is around for more than a couple minutes, the story almost becoming a revolving door of quick cameos. Still, cool to see some big names like this all in one cast.

Mostly though, this is a dark movie to sit back and watch without much in the way of a sympathetic character. Silva's Salvatore/Johnny becomes a killing machine who's beyond saving. Fascinating to watch, far from an even remotely sympathetic anti-hero. Much of the violence is off-screen, but it's pretty hardcore just the same. You don't have to see it to know that a man getting bashed in the head with a shotgun is gonna be rather graphic. People are dispatched with no build-up, no tension. Just BOOM! You're dead. And that ending....wow, just wow. We don't see what's going on, but the foreshadowing is rough. An interesting movie, but beware of what you're getting into.

Johnny Cool (1963): **/****

Border Cop

So illegal immigration across the U.S./Mexico border, that's a good jumping off point for a movie, right? It's a divisive topic with little middle ground. How about a low-budget flick with a pretty unknown cast that takes no real stance on the topic and when it does....makes little sense?!? I know. How could you not be excited? Let's get going with 1980's Border Cop.

A longtime veteran of the Border Patrol, Frank Cooper (Telly Savalas) is only a few months away from retiring. Just the same, he's pretty good at what he does, ultra-experienced at preventing illegal immigrants from sneaking across the border into the United States. He's also good friends with a teenage Mexican boy, Benito (Danny De La Paz), who he once prevented sneaking into the U.S. illegally. Looking to provide for his newlywed bride, Benito has taken a job as a coyote working for a kingpin smuggler, Suarez (Michael V. Gazzo), who has had his fair share of previous run-ins with Cooper. The veteran Border Patrol agent has long suspected Suarez of an illegal smuggling operation but has never been able to get any proof, until now that is. The problem is, Benito may be too far involved to rescue him in the process.

By my estimation, this movie cost maybe $28.43 to make. From director Christopher Leitch, 'Cop' was filmed on location in Mexico, giving it that realistically gritty look. Know what looks like backroads Mexico? The back roads of Mexico. So it's got that going for it....which is nice. It starts off on a positive enough note, Savalas' Cooper and his partner stopping a souped-up car with two Mexicans strapped underneath trying to sneak across the border. This isn't an action movie though, not by a long shot. The good start gets bogged down in a sea of muddled message, industrial shock value (I know, I didn't think that existed either), and an underuse of the always cool Savalas. For the B-movie that it is, 'Cop' isn't bad. It just isn't very good either. I caught it on MGM-HD so if you can find it on their schedule, do it. The print is downright respectable.

Let's be honest. The only reason this movie is even remotely worthwhile is Telly Savalas in the lead role. A couple years removed from his TV run as detective Kojak, Savalas is as cool as ever. The visual certainly helps from the bald head to the choice to always have his shirt unbuttoned a few buttons too many to the abundance of gold chains he wears. It's almost ridiculous to watch, but Savalas just works...so there. The experienced Border Patrol officer character is certainly cool too. Cooper does the job almost in spite of the job, not necessarily caring for the tactics/policy. That's where things get a little muddled, but more on that later. He sends the illegals back across the border that he catches, but he's not an obsessive, Mexico-hating, America-loving uber-patriot (lots of dashes, huh?). Is it a great performance? No, but if you're a Telly Savalas fan, you'll get a kick out of it.

Basically every other character is drawn with some big old broad strokes, very generic whether it be good or bad. Far too much time was spent on De La Paz's Benito and his new bride, Leina (Cecilia Camacho). Maybe it's just mismarketing, but I thought I was getting a movie that focused more on Cooper and his efforts to stop a person smuggling ring. Seeing a young married couple starting a new life? Meh, not as interesting. Hamming it up in ridiculously evil fashion is Gazzo (Frankie Pentangelli in Godfather 2) as Suarez, leader of the smuggling ring. He's also rocking some epically combed back sideburns. I don't know if that's worth mentioning, but it looks amazing. Just amazing. Herman Blood (Chivo) and Noe Murayama (Mosca) play Suarez's vicious henchmen. And playing Cooper's Border Patrol boss is Eddie Albert, around because.....well, it's Eddie Albert. You already know what the twist is going to be there.   

There's just too much going on and not enough of Telly Savalas by the hour-mark. That's not a good sign in an 86-minute long movie. About 10-15 minutes follow a detour with Benito to a slaughterhouse just over the border, the illegals forced to work there. I'm guessing it's meant to show what they're forced to do, but it's brutal in what they show from shooting animals to gutting their carcasses. In general, I don't know what the story is trying to say. Is the immigration bad? Is it good? Is it just the smuggling of human beings they're condemning or just the smugglers? It's beyond muddled, the ending pretty dumb too as it gets more and more heavy-handed with each passing scene. For diehard Telly Savalas fans only.

Border Cop (1980): **/****

A Reason to Live, A Reason to Die

I seem to have checkered pasts when it comes to tracking down hard-to-find movies that I really want to see. On first effort, something goes wrong; cable goes out, recording the wrong film/time, ninjas....that sort of thing. I actually saw this 1972 spaghetti western two years ago via Netflix streaming, but it was the heavily edited 92-minute version. It aired recently on MGM HD and was listed at the much longer, less-edited 111 minute version. Well, point to you MGM, you fooled me. It was the 92-minute version, but here's the review just the same, 1972's A Reason to Live, A Reason to Die.

It's early in the Civil War and as the fighting picks up in the Southwest, Colonel Pembroke (James Coburn), a disgraced Union officer, is looking for vengeance. He has been labeled a coward and a traitor for surrendering Fort Holman, a key position in the territory, to the Confederates without a shot fired. Now, he's got a plan to exact his revenge on the man who took the fort from him, a Confederate major named Ward (Telly Savalas). A frontal assault on the mountaintop fortress would be suicide so he intends to take the fort back on a nearly suicidal commando mission. Commanders won't grant him any troops so instead he ends up with a small squad of convicts, seven men he saves from the gallows, including a man from his past, Eli (Bud Spencer). His odds seem slim as his convicts squad seems more interested in killing him than completing the mission, but heavily guarded and fortified Fort Holman awaits.

It's pretty obvious watching the heavily-edited 92-minute version of this spaghetti western from director Tonino Valerii that some important and major portions of the story were edited. Much of the 20-to-25 minutes that were cut (lengths vary depending on sources) were from an opening prologue that establish how Pembroke and Eli meet in the war-torn Southwest. Instead, we get a dropped-in opening that actually gives away much of the ending. Ta-da, then we're back to the beginning -- sort of -- and away we go with the mission. At different times, the story does feel disjointed, out of sorts, a little rushed and at ends. Can I think of anymore cliches? Nah, that's good for now. The longer version was released on DVD via Wild East, but that DVD is currently worth $190 at Amazon so I don't see a viewing happening any time soon so for now, the heavily-edited version it is!

Now take the rest of what I'm about to write with a grain of salt. I love spaghetti westerns, and I love men-on-a-mission movies. So with that said, is this movie especially good? Nope, but I still liked it a lot. Obviously with the Civil War setting, this isn't your typical gunfighters and bandits spaghetti western. The Civil War background certainly adds a nice touch to a familiar genre. 'Reason' is also aided by some familiar locations from movies like Once Upon a Time in the West, The Deserter and others. The best use though is the fortress from El Condor, here as Confederate garrison Fort Holman. It appears gigantic and imposing, a fortress that's impossible to take down. It's a good-looking western, and the score from Riz Ortolani is a little schizophrenic but pretty cool. Give it a sample HERE with the main theme.

If the basic storyline sounds familiar, it should. It's a not subtle rip-off of 1967's The Dirty Dozen and countless other convicts turned commandos flick. Coburn is solid but nothing special as the revenge-seeking Pembroke, his backstory giving him a sympathetic edge, but he's mailing it in here. Spencer is the star, given more screentime and providing more interest in general. Savalas is given absolutely nothing to do in an appearance that is little more than a cameo. Pembroke's convict commandos lack the star power, basically a unique group of murderers/rapists/thieves and deserters that include Spencher's Eli, Sgt. Brent (Reinhard Kolldehoff), the Union NCO, MacIvers (Guy Mairesse), a murdering muleskinner, Wendel (Ugo Fangareggi), Pickett (Benito Stefanelli), a deserter and rapist, Fernandez (Adolfo Lastretti), a thief who doomed 30 Union soldiers with a bad deal, and a half-breed Apache (Joseph Persaud). The group reminded me of a similar convict crew in 1969's Play Dirty, unique faces with no real background who are meant to be picked off one-by-one. Cool group just the same.

Spaghetti western fans going in shouldn't expect much in the way of action or violence the first 50 minutes or so. If you're looking for a positive, it's this; they were saving all the action for the last 40 minutes!!! Pembroke and his convict commandos make their play attacking Fort Holman in an explosive finale that features an orgy of Gatling guns, explosions and some impressive stuntwork. Like the movie itself, it's a lot of fun. Yes, stupid fun with a whole lot of flaws, but fun just the same. Oh, and the name is one of the coolest ever.

A Reason to Live, A Reason to Die (1972): ***/****

The Dirty Dozen

One of the all-time great tough guy casts -- if not the greatest -- in one of my favorite genres. A movie that stands the test of time that is action-packed, darkly funny and amazingly entertaining. It has taken abuse over the years by some because of its shocking ending, but it also has built up a diehard following by those who will defend it to the last (including me). One of my favorite movies ever, and a Memorial Day themed review, 1967's The Dirty Dozen.

An American army officer with a record a mile long, Major John Reisman (Lee Marvin) has been given a mission that even he doesn't believe is real. It's late spring 1944, and as the Allies prepare for the D-Day invasion, the Allied high command (including Ernest Borgnine) delivers his impossible, suicidal mission. Reisman is to take 12 prisoners either sentenced to death or years of imprisonment and hard labor, train them, and then in the days before the D-Day landing, drop them into German-occupied France. Their mission? Attack a German chateau, killing as many high ranking German officers as possible, hopefully wreaking havoc on the high command. Can Reisman get the prisoners to work together before they kill him?

This is a movie that is a perfect storm of timing, casting and story. A story of 12 convicted criminals -- rape, murder, robbery -- turned commandos who resent any sort of authority given a mission to kill enemy officers in cold blood? Could that story even remotely fly in any time other than late 1960s America? It was a time when America was changing, a darker, more cynical time in our history. Director Robert Aldrich taps into something special there. 'Dozen' has a unique look to it, interesting camera angles, a catchy theme for the Dozen -- listen HERE -- and a general feel of giving the middle finger to any sort of power or authority figure. Could there be a more perfect movie for a 1967 audience?

I could write a whole review discussing the characters and the long list of tough guy actors who play them, but I doubt many people would read 10,000 rambling words about how the cast of The Dirty Dozen is the coolest thing ever. Let's start with Lee Marvin, an all-around bad-ass who by the mid 1960s had become a major, bankable star. His Major Reisman, a sarcastic, quick-witted, smart-mouthed and brutally effective officer, is probably his most well known role, and he owns this movie. With the cast behind and around him, that's saying something. Marvin delivers brutally funny one-liners left and right, handles the action scenes flawlessly, and is believable as the cynical leader of this group of crook commandos. With those type of men behind him, you need someone like him to lead. Richard Jaeckel is a scene-stealer as Sgt. Bowren, the MP assigned to work with Reisman in training and execution of the mission. Along with Borgnine, the High Command and other Allied officers include Robert Webber, George Kennedy and Ralph Meeker. Oh, and Robert Ryan as a stiff-collared officer from the 101st. Enough for you? No?

And then there's the Dirty Dozen. The group includes Charles Bronson as Wladislaw, the former officer sentenced to hang for killing one of his own men, a medic carrying medical supplies away from battle. There's former NFL star Jim Brown as Jefferson, an African American soldier who killed in self defense but is sentenced to hang nonetheless. John Cassavetes was nominated for a Best Supporting Actor Oscar as Franko, a Chicago hood who killed a London man for $10 worth of cash. Telly Savalas is Maggot, a psychopathic Southerner convinced God works through him. Clint Walker is Posey, an Apache with rage issues, Donald Sutherland is Pinkley, a dimwitted soldier, and singer Trini Lopez plays Jiminez. Rounding out the Dozen are character actors Tom Busby, Ben Carruthers, Stuart Cooper, Colin Maitland, and Al Mancini as Bravos, the smallest of the bunch but with a mean/funny streak. The focus is Bronson, Brown, Cassavetes, Walker, Savalas and Sutherland, none of them disappointing, all of them living up to the hype, all given a chance to shine.  

What has helped 'Dozen' gain its cult-like following over the years is its humor in looking at and poking some fun at war in general. Sutherland's dimwitted Pinkley is forced to inspect a crack platoon of Ryan's Col. Breed in one of the most memorable, truly funny scenes. Watch it HERE. Reisman later arranges for eight London prostitutes to visit the Dozen as their training winds down. The facial expressions exchanged back and forth are priceless. The high point comically -- however dark it is -- comes in the War Games sequence, the Dozen forced to prove their worth by capturing Col. Breed's headquarters. They resort to cheating, con jobs, stealing, and all sorts of trickery. After the extended training sequence -- which has its fair share of funny moments -- the War Games development and the eventual payoff provides some great laughs.

The portion of the movie though that tends to drive people away is the attack on the chateau. SPOILERS AHEAD SPOILERS STOP READING Here's the plan, courtesy of Reisman, which you can watch HERE. It of course, doesn't go as planned, Reisman, Bowren and the Dozen forced to improvise. Their solution is simple; throw grenades and gasoline down air chutes and burn (think napalm) the German officers to death. Heroic? No, I would say not. It's a movie though. These guys aren't portrayed as heroes. These are prototypical 1960s anti-heroes! What does work? The entire finale sequence (around 45 minutes long) is dripping with tension, and once the adrenaline starts pumping, it doesn't stop. The Dozen start to get picked off -- including two legitimate shockers -- as the bullets start flying. I've seen this movie 50 times and still root for two characters especially to make it, knowing all the while they won't. The means are brutal, but as far as an entertaining action sequence goes, it is one of the best.

I'm not sure what this says about me, but I grew up watching this movie a lot. Introduced to it via Memorial Day war movie marathons, it will be always be one of my favorites. I love its cynical, dark look at war. I love the ridiculously strong cast from top to bottom. It is funny, entertaining, action-packed, and a true example of 'They don't make them like that anymore.' A classic.

The Dirty Dozen <---trailer (1967): ****/****

The Assassination Bureau

I can't think of a movie that surprised me more recently than 1969's The Assassination Bureau. The Netflix description of an international company that performs murders/assassinations for hire sounded like a drama, maybe an action movie. Or as I figured out, maybe that's just my head jumping to conclusions. I assumed it was a drama or action flick. So imagine my surprise when I found out it instead was a period piece mixed in with a screwball comedy. Oddly enough? It works.

In the early 1910s in London, an aspiring journalist, Sonya Winter (Diana Rigg), approaches a newspaper headed by Lord Bostwick (Telly Savalas) with a story idea. She has evidence of a murder-for-hire company that could date back centuries and has managed to arrange a meeting with its leader, Ivan Dragomiloff (Oliver Reed). Her catch? She intends to put a contract on Ivan himself. Seeing a chance to do some housecleaning among his own company, Ivan oddly enough agrees, challenging the other members of Assassination Bureau, Limited to a proposal. Can he kill all of them before they kill him? Secrets and twists await, more than Sonya originally counted on.

Can you see now why I was more than a little confused? From director Basil Dearden, the story certainly doesn't scream out screwball comedy. But using the jumping off point of a murder-for-hire company and its inherent very dark comedy, 'Assassination' somehow and some way works. I was expecting a late 1960s thriller set in modern times and got the complete opposite, a period piece set in 1910s Europe. The story bounces from London, Paris, Vienna, Venice and Zurich with a colorful lavish look. The sets are impressive, the costuming period accurate, and the screwball aspect not overdone thankfully. 'Dark' and 'screwball' don't always work in terms of comedy, but Dearden's film manages to put the two together.

It is a unique plot device of having a "company" like the Assassination Bureau at work, keeping tabs on the world. Reed's Ivan leads a committee of international representatives from around Europe and Asia including Germany, England, France, Austria, Russia, Switzerland and several more. Their only policy is simple...there must be a moral reason for killing. Ivan lives up to that standard, but his committee doesn't live and die by its principles. Semi-twist coming....Savalas is his vice commissioner. Come on, did you think Telly Savalas was around to play a newspaper editor? His Lord Bostwick is interested in cash, control and power, not Ivan's ideological beliefs. Some of the Bureau's members include General von Pinck (Curd Jurdgens), the militaristic German, Lucoville (Philippe Noiret), the woman-chasing Frenchman, Weiss (Warren Mitchell), the efficient Swiss, Spado (Clive Revill), the life-loving Italian, and Muntzof (Vernon Dobtcheff), the moping Russian among a few others. Comedy, drama or action, 'Assassination' gets points for originality.

The murder-for-hire story was one thing. I can buy that as a dark comedy. But as that surprise washed over me, I think the biggest reason for my thinking was the casting of Oliver Reed. A notorious partier/drinker/carouser, Reed does not strike me as someone to star in a dark comedy with romantic comedy undertones. He was typically the definition of intense so it was a welcome surprise to see him play a lighter role, and he doesn't disappoint. He's genuinely funny, can woo Rigg's Sonya, and is a master of disguise as he unleashes his attacks on his committee members turned opponents. Rigg as Sonya is the aspiring journalist who doesn't seem to figure out that both sides are playing her...to a point. She makes a good pair with Reed too as they jump from country to country in Europe. Also look for Italian beauty Annabella Incontrera as Senora Spado, the wife of one of the Bureau members who's got her own plans.

With obviously a much darker edge, 'Assassination' reminded me in many ways of 1965's The Great Race. The highlights are the impressively scaled set pieces. The intro to the Bureau has shades of a comedic James Bond movie while a madcap chase through Lucoville's high class house of ill repute gets the screwball aspect of the chase going at full speed. The comedy is often off-screen, allowing Reed, Rigg and Savalas to sell the humor with their reactions. Resorting to some action genre conventions, the finale is full of action as Reed stumbles onto Savalas' plan to take over Europe, a nice tie-in for history fans with the start of WWI and a zeppelin playing a key role. So what can I say? Sometimes the movies that surprise you are the best ones. An underrated, funny flick with a great cast.

The Assassination Bureau <---Youtube clip (1969): ***/****

Land Raiders

Thanks to the huge success of Sergio Leone's Dollars trilogy starring Clint Eastwood in Europe and around the world, American studios were left trying to figure things out and somehow keep up.  American audiences had grown somewhat tired of the same old westerns by the late 1960s so seeing the success the spaghetti western genre made, the studios made similar movies that's become part of a whole new sub-genre of westerns, Italian westerns made with American backing.

These were movies that at first glance look and feel like a hard-hitting, dark spaghetti western. Give it a closer look though, and things are a little different.  The casts lean more toward American actors and actresses for one, and for the most part, they ease up on the gas.  So with that, you see movies like 100 Rifles and El Condor among others.  Of course, some went all-in, throwing all their chips in, taking everything that made the spaghetti westerns so good and taking it up a notch or two. I saw the end to 1969's Land Raiders a hundred times or so growing up on TBS' Afternoon Movie, and thanks to Netflix Instant watch, I caught up with it this week in its entirety.

In the Arizona territory in the 1870s, Vince Carden (Telly Savalas) has assembled millions of acres of land, his Carden Ranch dominating the area. He has hopes of building the ranch bigger and bigger, making himself the richest man around. His younger brother, Paul (George Maharis), has ridden back to see his ailing father after several years away from the ranch, a falling out with his brother driving the family apart. Paul still despises his brother for what he did in the past, but their family problems look ready to be swept away. An Apache war party is terrorizing the territory, and Vince sees the potential to wipe out every Apache for hundreds of miles around. His plan though has the potential to backfire, putting the lives of everyone else in the territory at risk.

Writing past reviews of spaghetti westerns, I haven't been shy about my love for the genre. This darker, even harsher quasi-spaghetti is going to fall under that category. It isn't a particularly good movie with its fair share of cheese, bad acting, and low-budget qualities. I still like it though. Director Nathan Juran uses a handful of familiar locations in Almeria, albeit the greener, more picturesque areas of the region. I recognized the town from Django Kill! (among others), and the church from Guns of the Magnificent Seven. Composer Bruno Nicolai's score -- a frequent collaborator with spaghetti master Ennio Morricone -- seems to sample from a long list of spaghetti scores, but it's good samples if nothing else. I can't place the main theme (listen HERE), but even its familiar tune (especially the quieter moments) work well. 

Like many westerns, 'Raiders' has its roots in some Greek tragedy, even Biblical roots with Maharis as the Prodigal Son returning home after years away from his family.  In the darker, almost gothic tones of the movie, you get that sense of Greek tragedy, the family tearing itself apart, the individual members on the brink of killing each other. The motivating force here is a mystery with a young Mexican girl, Luisa (Jocelyn Lane), who was engaged to Paul but died under mysterious circumstances, apparently linked to Vince. A handful or so of grainy, fuzzy flashbacks pepper the story, adding a second layer to the proceedings even if it is clear what actually happened right away. I'm not saying Land Raiders is any sort of modern classic -- far from it -- but it is interesting, striving for something more than just a 90-minute shoot 'em up.

With the idea of the quasi-spaghetti comes the casting of two American actors as the leads, one a future TV star and the other a TV star of the past. Savalas is one of my favorites, a versatile actor who could play good, bad, amoral, and in between.  Here, he's fully embracing his epically bad side.  There is not a redeeming character about his Vince character, and that's the beauty of it.  He's one bad dude, and you know karma is coming around to kick him square in the butt.  Five years removed from Route 66, Maharis was still trying to become a bigger star, something he never really attained. His Paul is the more sympathetic of the two Carden/Cardenas brothers, even if Maharis makes a pretty bad attempt at a heavy Spanish accent and looks like a gay caballero all duded up immaculately in clothes that look like they've never seen the trail.

Trying to one-up the spaghetti westerns, 'Raiders' certainly does its best to push the boundaries as so many movies did in the late 1960s.  This movie has it all, surprising amounts of language (Savalas even calls a woman a bitch), some gratuitous nudity, and over the top violence that uses squibs and gallons of that ultra-red blood-like substance.  Where other movies edit this type of thing into the movie in a subtle fashion, 'Raiders' doesn't really care.  A woman captured by Apaches has her shirt ripped off. Oh, a topless woman! The camera lingers a little too long. The violence is a little shocking, some graphic depictions of scalpings, among other things. Changing times for the western genre, and Land Raiders doesn't disappoint in trying to do something very different.

Leading into the supporting cast, one odd note. Character actor Paul Picerni plays two parts in a bizarre fashion, no explanation provided. The studio clearly thought it could pull a fast one, listing one character as played by Picerni, the other by H.P. Picerni. One character is a murdering gunman working for Vince, the other an old fun-loving Mexican friend of Paul's. Too weird, just one of those things I guess. Other parts worth mentioning include Arlene Dahl as Martha, Paul's wife, Janet Landgard as Kate, a young girl all grown up with a crush on Paul, Guy Rolfe as Major Tanner, the local cavalry commander, and Phil Brown as Sheriff John Mayfield, Kate's father caught in the middle of a situation with no easy way out. Even look for spaghetti regular Fernando Rey as what else? A priest. A good western that isn't really that good at all, but it's a solid guilty pleasure.

Land Raiders <---trailer (1969): ***/****

The Dirty Dozen: The Fatal Mission

When watching a made for TV movie, there's a certain amount of 'cheese factor' to be expected.  With a lower budget, smaller cast, and in general smaller scale, it obviously lowers your standards some as a viewer.  That was the case when I bought The Dirty Dozen Double Feature, two sequels starring Telly Savalas building off the premise of the original 1967 movie starring Lee Marvin.  Take 12 prisoners sentenced to death or long prison sentences, train them and send them on a suicide mission.  Simple enough, right?

I reviewed the first Savalas sequel, The Deadly Mission, a few weeks ago and gave it 2.5 stars based mostly on its entertainment value.  A bad movie, sure, but an entertaining one if nothing else.  The same applies for the other sequel, 1988's The Dirty Dozen: The Fatal Mission, but basically take down everything a notch or two.  Once again filming in Croatia and Yugoslavia -- I'm guessing it was cheaper to film there -- 'Fatal' is that nice blend of too many explosions, too little story, and a cast of has beens, never will be "stars."

It's 1943 and Allied intelligence has received reports that Adolf Hitler has a plan to put the Fourth Reich into play so Germany and the Nazi Party can live on for years regardless of how WWII ends.  Major Warden (Ernest Borgnine) again orders Major Wright (Savalas) to assemble a commando squad of prisoners sentenced to death or long prison terms, train them, and then parachute them into enemy territory.  Hitler's plan requires 12 men to travel by train east to Yugoslavia, but Wright and his squad must intercept the train and kill everyone on board.  As if their mission wasn't suicidal enough, a Waffen SS general (Matthew Burton) knows Wright's objective and is planning to stop him thanks to a traitor in the newest Dirty Dozen.

Where the other three DD sequels at least attempt to have some fun with the convict commandos, 'Fatal' doesn't give much of an effort.  This group includes soap opera star Hunt Block, Alex Cord, Erik Estrada, Ernie Hudson, John Matuszak (who played Sloth in The Goonies), boxer Ray Mancini, and Richard Yniguez. Instead of writing actual characters, 'Fatal' just borrows from the original.  Cord is Charles Bronson, Hudson is Jim Brown, Matuszak is Clint Walker, and Estrada is a mix between Savalas' Maggot and John Cassavetes.  Even worse than the other sequels, the rest of the dozen aren't even identified by name, not to mention never actually seeing their faces.  They are the definition of a 'Redshirt,' a character meant to be picked off but here it barely registers because we don't actually know who they are.  Of the actual name actors, Cord leaves the best impression as Dravko, an Eastern European immigrant turned soldier.  Also look for Taxi's Jeff Conaway as Sgt. Holt, replacing Vince Edwards in the loyal sergeant role.

Now all stupid allusions about having character development aside, the action isn't half bad here.  Granted it's that ridiculous TV movie action, but hey look! Gunfights and explosions!  The action scenes are basically Wright and the Dozen standing in the open gunning down German soldiers in every direction.  The dust settles, all the Germans are dead, the Dozen have a wound or two, and the story moves along.  There's a ridiculously high body count -- see all of them HERE, SPOILERS obviously -- and eventually the Dozen do begin to get picked off by some German soldiers who can actually shoot.  Making this all better though? Some of the nameless Dozen from 'Deadly Mission' return here and still don't get any lines!  Too perfect.

By now both late in their careers, Savalas and Borgnine are clearly slumming for work.  It's the type of movie though where if they weren't in it, there would be NO reason to see this.  They're both having some fun even if Savalas looks like he's wearing a helmet three sizes too small, and Borgnine spends most of his time looking at a map screaming about saving his men.  Still, they're Hollywood legends so they get a pass.  And if nothing else in the originality department, 'Fatal' has a female member of the Dozen, not a convict just a tag-along.  The Fall Guy star Heather Thomas plays a language expert needed for the success of the mission (I guess?) and shows she clearly didn't get the job because of her acting ability. She gives what could be the most wooden performance I've seen in awhile.

Because there's little else to say about this made for TV sequel, I'm including some links to three action scenes so anyone curious can see what they're getting into.  There's The Living Dead -- actually a cool scene even if it's completely ridiculous -- then Surprise Attack on a moving train, and Off the Rails, a self-explanatory scene if there ever was.  Average in every way and below average in a couple more ways, this is a pretty awful movie, but I can't completely rip it to pieces.  It's mindless enough to be entertaining so that counts for something.

The Dirty Dozen: The Fatal Mission (1988): **/****   

The Dirty Dozen: The Deadly Mission

Released in 1967, The Dirty Dozen featured a long list of stars, tough guys who worked perfectly together to make a WWII classic.  Almost 20 years later in the era of TV movies and miniseries, Lee Marvin reprised his role as Major Reisman for The Dirty Dozen: The Next Mission, and was all set to play the character again before he passed away from a heart attack in 1987.  Someone had to step into the role though, and producers turned to one of the stars of the original Dozen, Telly Savalas. 

Now 65 years old and on the downside of his career, Savalas plays Major Wright in 1987's The Dirty Dozen: The Deadly Mission.  It's not so much a sequel as a reworking, just like Marvin's 1985 movie, with whole scenes duplicated albeit with a new cast and some slightly older returnees from the original.  As stand alones, these sequels might be better -- there would be one more in 1988, review to come -- if you haven't seen the original.  On the other hand, it's a good guilty pleasure seeing all the low-budget, scene for scene repeats of the original classic.  A bad TV movie if there ever was one, but an entertaining bad movie.

It's 1944 and Major Wright (Savalas) has been recalled from a behind the lines mission in Italy to undertake a new, more important mission.  General Warden (Ernest Borgnine) orders Wright to assemble a squad of 12 men sentenced to death or long terms of imprisonment and train them until they're an effective fighting force.  Intelligence reports have the Germans making a new nerve gas in a rocket with the capability to reach the U.S..  The Germans are doing this work hidden away in a heavily guarded French monastery.  Wright's more than a little suicidal mission is to lead his squad in -- with some help from loyal Sgt. Holt (Vince Edwards) -- and not only destroy the nerve gas but also rescue six scientists commissioned to work on the experiments.

Even with the original, the problem with a squad of 12 soldiers is that all of them can't receive equal screentime.  The 1967 original at least tried to introduce all 12 convicts turned commandos.  That way when they do inevitably start getting picked off, we know who it was.  Well, the TV versions lose about an hour of actual movie time and a significant amount of the budget.  Five or six of the 12 are even identified, the rest mostly serving as cannon fodder who are typically identified after they get killed.  Of those that do stand out there's Bo Svenson channeling Savalas' Maggott character, Randall 'Tex' Cobb as Swede Wallan, Gary Graham as Stern, Paul Picerni as Pops Ferucci, and two van Patten brothers as two convict brothers (quite a stretch).  Rounding out the new dozen were a handful of Yugoslavian actors who don't have more than a line or two combined.

As for the returning cast members, Savalas as Major Wright is a similar feeling to watching Marvin in 'Next Mission.'  They're clearly too old to play the parts, but because it's Telly freaking Savalas you let it pass.  He's Big Joe, he's Kojak!  He looks like he's having some fun with the part, and some of his line deliveries provide some funny moments in an otherwise slow script.  Borgnine really makes nothing more than a two-scene appearance as General Warden, the staff officer tasked with keeping tabs on Wright and coming up with these missions that will save the war.  Vince Edwards steps in for Richard Jaeckel as the tough but loyal sergeant.  His part requires him to squint, growl and throw a grenade now and then.  Wolf Kahler plays the SS commander in the area trying to stop Wright's commando squad.

After the requisite in-fighting and then bonding as a fighting unit, the new Dozen are unleashed in France.  Even with a small TV budget, director Lee Katzin handles the action-packed finale nicely. It's heavy on gunfire and short on actual blood, but it is entertaining.  It is an action sequence that is aided by the monastery location and has that right blend of chaos and explosions.  As with the other Dozen movies, it's only a matter of time and who will get picked off against the overwhelming odds.  The ending did surprise me -- one character gets to redeem himself with a big sacrifice -- in how many of the squad survive the mission.  See if you can guess which ones make it.

A made for TV movie that's probably only recommended for fans of the original Dirty Dozen or at least WWII movies.  It's the type of unpretentious, cheap action flick that is best when you don't take it too seriously.  Sit back and enjoy this one, watch Savalas and Co. gun down German and SS soldiers by the busload.  If that fails, there's always the original.  Just interested in the action? Watch THIS fan video (SPOILERS obviously) with every kill from the movie.

The Dirty Dozen: The Deadly Mission <----trailer (1987): ** 1/2 /**** 

A Town Called Hell

When watching a spaghetti western, there's a certain amount of weirdness to be expected.  After all, these were typically European directors/producers/screenwriters interpreting the American west so weirdness just comes with the territory.  But beyond anti-heroes and crazy villains, the spaghettis were often heavy on graphic violence, religious imagery and symbolism, and no penchant for having to have a happy ending.  Basically, everything I like in a western.

For years, the craziest spaghetti I saw was 1967's Django Kill! which features some truly disgusting violence, a gang of gay cowboys, and...wait, that's enough, violence and gay cowboys is a good explanation.  Last night on Netflix Instant viewing, I checked out 1971's A Town Called Hell for a couple reasons, I've never been able to actually track a copy down, and two, the cast looks ridiculously good.  It's not a straight Italian spaghetti western with British and Spanish backing, but it's got all the right elements.  If anything, it's got too many elements.  This one is all over the place and ranks right up there with Django Kill! for new weirdest spaghetti.

It's 1905 in Mexico (right in the middle of the Mexican revolution for you history buffs).  A widower, Alvira (Stella Stevens) rides into the dusty, rundown town of Bastardo -- not 'Hell' as the title implies.  She is offering $20,000 for the man who murdered her husband, but she doesn't know who he is, only that he's in the town.  Alvira's only clue is a name...'Aguila.'  But other than that, she's got nothing to go on.  Three key people in Bastardo seem to have information.  There's the Priest (Robert Shaw), the Colonel (Martin Landau) with his army detachment, and Don Carlos (Telly Savalas), the town's corrupt mayor/bandit. But nothing comes easy, and the betrayals start flying and the bodies start to add up.

Where to start?  Spaghetti westerns generally had an extremely dark tone full of cynicism and violence, lots of anti-establishment feelings.  'Hell' certainly qualifies because no character is safe.  The violence isn't graphic but it is brutal in its honesty.  There are hangings, stabbings, shootings, and so much more.  The setting for this is a really desert town that has fortress walls on all sides, and even though the movie was made/filmed in Spain, it looks like Mexico in all its dusty, dirty glory.  I'm positive I'm reading too much into this, but the town could be some sort of purgatory, some bizarre version of hell.  Or it could just be a whacked out western, you make the decision. 

The story itself is too interesting with director Robert Parrish mixing and matching left and right.  An IMDB user stated there's at least 15 plots, they just last 2 or 3 minutes before moving on, and really, that's a pretty accurate description of this gothic, dark western.  Stevens sleeps in a coffin at night and has a pale deaf-mute protector, Spectre (Dudley Sutton), with her at all times.  Savalas is a violent dictator with an iron fist on this town...until he doesn't anymore when his men turn on him, crucifying him.  Shaw has a vivid dream where Stevens' Alvira kills him in his sleep.  Landau as a Mexican officer?  That does seem pretty logical.  A flashback with a sped-up version of the Battle of New Orleans and a bizarre, confusing backstory just caps it all off.  That's the movie in a nutshell, always moving and never slowing up enough to know how ridiculous it all sounds.

Through all of the craziness, there's a really cool if sometimes odd cast.  Robert Shaw is one of my favorite actors, and he's the star here.  Simply named 'the Priest,' he has a past that still gnaws at him, and he seems to be the only person who knows who 'Aguila' is.  On a non-consequential level, Shaw is also sporting a badass handlebar mustache and mutton chop-like sideburns.  Savalas is the shirtless bandit mayor (honestly, in his 30 minutes he never has a shirt on) who gets to ham it up.  His departure about 30 minutes does come as a surprise, mostly because we never see how he gets whacked.  Landau is the only one who doesn't work because well, he's not Mexican.  He's loud and obnoxious but still isn't a good villain.  Stevens is wasted -- but looks good doing it -- and appears like she wandered into the set and just started reciting lines.

There's also supporting parts for Fernando Rey as an old blind man who may hold the key to Aguila's identity, spaghetti western regular Aldo Sambrell as Calebra, one of Don Carlos' thugs, TV star Michael Craig in flashback as Paco, one of the Priest's partners, and Al Lettieri as La Bomba, Carlos' not so smart treacherous right hand man.  What I liked about this western -- and I did like it -- was the general weirdness of it all.  There's this great cast and no story (not a coherent one at least), but all the little things add up.  Recommending this almost in spite of itself.

A Town Called Hell <----trailer (1971): ** 1/2 /****

Birdman of Alcatraz

I wonder sometimes if directors and actors get sick of each other if they work together enough. Sure, there's probably a reason they choose to work together on multiple movies, but making movies is such a tough, difficult process that at some point nerves have to be a little shot. Don't they? Maybe the end result justifies some of the struggles, who knows for sure. Over a three year stretch, director John Frankenheimer and star Burt Lancaster worked together 4 times starting with The Young Savages and continuing into Birdman of Alcatraz, Seven Days in May, and The Train. In this case, the ends definitely justify the means.

Seven Days in May and The Train are classics and now I can add Birdman of Alcatraz to that list as Lancaster again turns in a defining performance from his career. Lancaster was able to balance out his roles, those that required more of an action edge, those that needed him to be at the top of his game acting, and those somewhere in the middle. Think of The Train, which required him to do both. As an actor, there's 2 sides to Lancaster that I've been able to piece together. One, there's Elmer Gantry where the actor is loud, boisterious and over the top from the opening scene. Then, there's 'Birdman' where he's quiet, composed and barely cracks a smile the whole movie...and still brings his character to life.

Based on the real life story of convict Robert Stroud, 'Birdman' starts in 1912 as a young Stroud (Lancaster) is sent to Leavenworth prison for killing a man (the victim was beating a prostitute). He clashes with warden Shoemaker (Karl Malden) right away and ends up killing a guard who is preventing his mother from visiting him. He is sentenced to hang but is saved by his mother (Thelma Ritter) who goes all the way to President Woodrow Wilson to save her son. Stroud is saved, but instead of death he's sent to solitary where he'll only have contact with a few guards while never seeing other prisoners.

Basically challenged to survive by Shoemaker, Stroud vows to win out in the end. One day in the yard, he finds a little sparrow who cannot fly and begins to care for it in his cell. So it starts as Stroud's actions impact other inmates who now want birds as cellmates. What starts as one small sparrow snowballs into many more. As the years pass, Stroud becomes an expert on birds and everything about their makeup, including how to treat bird diseases that previously had no cure. But other things are afoot as Shoemaker is now in charge of the Federal Bureau of Prisons which could impact Stroud and his birds.

What was surprising about the movie is how fascinating these sequences with the birds really are. We're talking whole scenes with little to no dialogue as Lancaster's Stroud first treats just one sparrow (which he names Runty) to then trying to figure out what is happening to all the birds that occupy his cell as an unexplained epidemic races through the cages. These are the high points of the movie -- the first 90 minutes or so -- as Stroud learns much about his avian friends while also interacting with guard Bull Ransom (Neville Brand playing against type in a good guy role) and fellow inmate Feto Gomez (Telly Savalas also in an atypical part) who also bonds with birds sent to him by his family.

Really my only issue with the movie is a change that comes about 100 minutes into the story -- and at 149 minutes overall it is a tad long -- when Stroud is transferred to Alcatraz. He is forced to leave all his birds, his studies, his makeshift laboratory behind as he moves to the island prison in San Francisco. So other than the fact that Stroud never had birds at Alcatraz yet he's still dubbed 'the birdman of Alcatraz,' the story gets away from what made the first 90 minutes so strong. Granted, this is a story about a man, not the birds, so the natural progression has to be played out, but the last hour is somewhat dull as this long-time inmate struggles in a new prison. A subplot with a prison riot (with Seinfeld's Uncle Leo leading the riot) seems like it's out of another movie.

What carries the movie through some of it's struggles is the fine cast led by Lancaster and Malden. Malden especially is presented as a good and bad guy, a man trying to do his job who comes down hard sometimes on Stroud, as a viewer it comes across unnecessarily harsh. Brand also delivers one of his best performances in a key supporting role as a guard who unexpected bonds with two-time murderer Stroud, and Savalas gets a chance to play a non-crazy person for a change. Betty Field also makes a strong impression as Robert's wife Stella, and Edmond O'Brien has a bookend cameo as an author who wrote a book about Stroud. Lancaster, Ritter and Savalas were all nominated for their performances. Lancaster deserved to win for this scene with Malden's Shoemaker alone.

Overall though, the strengths of the first half of the movie outweigh the sometimes slow pacing of the second half. Elmer Bernstein's score is a little more understated than his usual booming efforts, and sounds reminiscent of the quieter moments in his Great Escape score. Watch this movie for the performances from Lancaster in the lead to the members of the supporting cast. Maybe Lancaster and Frankenheimer did get on each other's nerves, but if this was the result, it was worth it.

Birdman of Alcatraz <----trailer (1962): *** 1/2 /****

Violent City

Charles Bronson's career can be broken down into two easy categories, a pre-mustache stage and a with-mustache stage. In the early half of his career, Bronson played roles with some depth that allowed him to show off his range. But in the late 60s sometime after Once Upon a Time in the West, a nicely maintained mustache showed up and from then on in, Bronson became more well known as a vigilante with any number of movie roles.

Of course it's not fair to say Bronson was a one-trick pony, he made some quality movies in the 70s, but the role of a vigilante is surely what he was typecast as in the second half of his career. He was also pretty adept at playing the stone-faced tough guy, like in 1970's Violent City, an Italian crime thriller based and shot in New Orleans. This was the first of two hitman movies he would make, including the much-better The Mechanic several years later.

There are problems here that stem from the location shooting with director Sergio Sollima admitting he loves shooting in America on the DVD special features. And to his credit, Sollima found some unique spots for his location shooting. But in too many sequences, he's clearly in love with the city and just wants to show it off. One sequence that goes on too long has Bronson boating through the swampy marshlands outside the city. It serves no real purpose other than to show the area and in the process slows the movie down to a halt.

Bronson plays Jeff Heston, a freelance hitman. He's hired by a race car driver (who's not even in the cast listing now that I look) to perform a hit, but in the aftermath, his employer turns on Heston. Before he's arrested, Jeff discovers this and plans to get revenge on his boss and girlfriend, Vanessa (Jill Ireland), who looks to be involved in the double-cross. Jeff does his time in prison and is released only to find more problems have come up. Vanessa is now married to a New Orleans mafioso, Weber (Telly Savalas), who wants Jeff's services as a hit man for the sake of 'the family.' A lifelong 'orphan,' Jeff wants nothing to do with the mob and has to fend for his life as he plots his revenge. I'll give Italian crime thrillers and spaghetti westerns their due, they don't take the easy ending too much.

Nothing new here with the revenge plot and a fair share of betrayals and double crosses. Sollima starts things off with a bang though, a wordless 10-minute car chase in St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands that wraps up with a nice little shoot-out SPOILERS sort of, it's the start of the movie. The complete lack of dialogue works in the opening scenes, but in subsequent scenes, the lack of conversation is noticeable and not in a good way. Another chase, this time on foot through New Orleans, takes place about halfway through, but up until the finale Violent City is somewhat short on action.

Bronson had his fair share of critics during his career, but I'm not one of them. With the right part, he could really show off his chops. He wasn't just a tough guy, but he so often played parts like that people forget what he could actually do. This isn't his best role, but he is still a strong lead. Bronson's wife Ireland starred with him in 16 movies by my count, and while she's not the greatest actress overall, this is one of her better ones. So often playing prim and proper, Ireland plays the femme fatale to perfection. In a large cameo role, Savalas hams it up as the mafioso trying to hire Bronson.

It is an Italian crime thriller so what would it be without a score from Ennio Morricone? Listen to more of it here and here. Sollima said Morricone fell asleep during a screening of the movie, but when he turned in the score it was just right for the story and tone of the movie. With a movie like this that I had some trouble getting into, Morricone's score certainly helped. Good performances from the three leads, strong Morricone score, some good action, and a surprising ending. Not a great movie, but an enjoyable enough way to spend 100 minutes.

Violent City <----trailer (1970): ** 1/2 /****