Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I don't know if I can truly express how much I like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, how big a fan I was growing up and now as a grown-up kid of sorts. The animated series that ran for 10 seasons and 193 episodes was a staple in my childhood, as was the film trilogy that hit theaters between 1990 and 1993. Those four famous turtles never really left the public eye with a variety of action figures, cartoon series and even a couple reboot attempts on the franchise. Our latest entry? 2014's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Crime is running rampant across New York City as the police are seemingly baffled by the appearance of a new gang of street thugs called the Foot Clan. No one seems to be able to stop this new powerful gang led by the mysterious Shredder (Tohoru Masamune), but an intrepid young TV news reporter, April O'Neill (Megan Fox), is looking to get into the guts of the story. She stumbles into something, a vigilante fighting back against the Foot Clan...or so she thinks. It's not a vigilante, but four vigilantes but even April is in for a surprise. These four vigilantes are anthropomorphic turtles who are expert ninjas and named after Renaissance painters, Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo. They live in the sewers, only revealing themselves as needed to help fight crime while keeping their identities hidden. Heavily outnumbered, can these four teenage turtles slow down and ultimately stop Shredder and the Foot Clan?

Seriously, I loved the Turtles growing up. Yeah, we're on a first name basis. They're the Turtles. I had the action figures, the Turtle van, the baseball cards, the clothes, the weapons, and I watched that show and the movies religiously. I've grown up since (some I guess, probably not a lot), but the TMNT are still epic, still awesome. I missed out on the 2007 animated version, but just the same I was a tad curious, a bit worried when I heard another reboot was coming along. That worried feeling got worse when I read the master of explosions and flashy style Michael Bay was involved -- as a producer -- and that Megan Fox was cast as April O'Neil, the best TV news reporter...like, ever. I didn't head into this 2014 reboot with high expectations but still came away disappointed.

I don't know exactly why I didn't care for this flick from director Jonathan Liebesman. It's not one big reason, but a lot of little reasons. Let's start with the Turtles themselves. This may sound like sour grapes because the ones I grew up with are my favorites, but the Turtles...they just don't look right. They look right when it's actually something on-screen, not the CGI turtles on display here. They look like they've been hitting the gym pretty good -- cough steroids cough -- under the tutelage of their ninja master, Splinter (voice of Tony Shalhoub, motion capture of Danny Woodburn). All the familiar touches are there from their catch phrases to their rivalry (Leo and Raphael are still in a power struggle) to their love of pizza. Even their back story sticks with the known stuff but for lack of a better description, it comes down to this. Those Turtles, they're cutouts of their characters. Nothing more, nothing less.

Let's start with the voices and the characterization we do get. Jackass star Johnny Knoxville voices Leonardo, the Turtles' strong-willed leader. Yeah, Jackass star. I like Knoxville, but his voice wasn't a great match for the character. That's the most recognizable name among our quartet, Alan Ritchson (Raphael), Noel Fisher (Michelangelo) and Jeremy Howard (Donatello) rounding out the group. As we see here, Raphael is more intense and moody than ever, Donatello is more of a science/tech nerd than ever, and Michelangelo simply wants to bang Fox's April. It gets weird, the most lovable of the Turtles, Mikey himself, constantly hitting on April. I can't pinpoint it, but something was missing among the group whether it be the visual, the voices or just a poor script. Disappointed across the board.

Unfortunately, the Turtles' human counterparts don't fare much better. Yes, Megan Fox is incredibly easy on the eyes. One of the stars of the first two Transformers movies before having a falling out with Bay, Fox will never be called a great actress. She's miscast as April O'Neil, simple as that. Will Arnett is a funny guy in most things he does, but his Vernon Fenwick, April's cameraman, doesn't have much chemistry and the attempts at laughs didn't do much for me. William Fichtner is okay as Eric Sacks, a scientist and humanitarian involved with the creation of the Turtles who has some ulterior motives. In the odd 'What the heck?' casting department, Whoopi Goldberg appears in a couple scenes as April's boss at the news station. Minae Noji is underused as Shredder's enforcer, Karai.

There is some cool action in the last third of the movie as the Turtles do battle with Shredder and the Foot Clan, the battle starting on a mountaintop mansion and making its way to the streets of New York, ultimately wrapping up at the top of a skyscraper. It's pretty decent stuff, Bay's typically schizophrenic style kept relatively low-key while still packing an adrenaline punch. My biggest issue though? I was bored. I love these characters, love their story, love their camaraderie, and I was downright bored for almost the entire movie. I seem to be in the minority, 'Turtles' raking in the dough to the tune of almost $300 million internationally as I write this review. A sequel has already been announced so there's that too. An unfortunate negative review, a childhood favorite not living up to expectations that weren't that high to begin with.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014): * 1/2 /****

This Is 40

Released in 2007, Knocked Up was a more than worthy follow-up to director Judd Apatow's surprise success with The 40-Year Old Virgin. It was an uneven if funny flick with a whole lot of talent assembled and a decent amount of laughs. Apatow takes a few key characters from 'Knocked' and hits us with a quasi-sequel, 2012's This Is 40.

Married for 16 years, Pete (Paul Rudd) and Debbie (Leslie Mann) are about to hit a big milestone....they're both turning 40. Well, Pete's turning 40, but Debbie refuses to admit she could possibly be 40 years old. Their marriage and home life have hit a bit of a rough patch as Pete's record label is struggling to find a niche while Debbie's boutique losing money by the barrel. Back at home, teenager Sadie (Maude Apatow) is mad at everything while younger daughter Charlotte (Iris Apatow) is just trying to grow up and not get killed by her sister. Both Pete and Debbie are struggling to find any sort of norm and with a whole bunch of problems from marriage to family to finances to work, nothing comes easy, and their marriage is paying the price.

Do you notice anything about the plot description? Well, my first thought upon finishing the movie and then starting the review that nothing about it screams funny. I get it. Life's inherent goofiness, craziness and uniqueness can produce some laughs from a natural place. '40' does have its moments. The cast is far too talented not to get some laughs, even if it was by accident. Those laughs come mostly in the meandering first half of the movie that introduces a whole lot of characters and a whole lot of subplots. It is funny. Apatow does know how to write characters and a solid script, but it also goes down a very dark route in the second half. The laughs are left by the wayside, and '40' turns into one depressing, not so enjoyable movie in the second half.

Key supporting players in Knocked Up, Rudd's Pete and Mann's Debbie get their shots at the lead roles here. While it isn't always funny (far from it), the comedic duo does have a very believable chemistry together. That's not always a good thing though for this longtime married couple who has seen their marriage lose some of its luster. Both are talented actors/comedians, whatever you want to call it, but at a certain point this movie becomes Pete and Debbie screaming at each other over and over again. Oh, and again. I haven't been married for 16 years -- I'm 27 as I write this -- so I don't know about all the good and bad of a 16-year marriage. It feels authentic because obviously marriage isn't a walk in the park. As this marriage though hits a rough patch, it ceases to be an enjoyable film. '40' is too downbeat for its own good, and even talents like Rudd and Mann can't save it from its own darkness.

As a director, writer, producer, Apatow is a very talented guy, and people clearly want to work with him. The supporting cast in basically all his movies illustrate that point. Jason Segel returns as Jason, Deb's trainer who's got a way with the ladies. Albert Brooks is a welcome addition to the cast as Larry, Pete's father who keeps borrowing money, while John Lithgow plays Deb's estranged father. Megan Fox shows she's got some comedic chops as Desi, one of Deb's employees while Chris O'Dowd and Lena Dunham (of HBO's Girls) play two of Pete's record label employees. Robert Smigel is memorable as Barry, Pete's friend.

So obviously a lot of talent is on hand here. At a certain point I got the feeling Apatow just ran with the premise that 'Hey, I'm working with (Insert Star's Name here)!' and didn't know what to do with himself. Oh, and there's more names so keep on reading. It's almost schizophrenic in its entirety. Brooks and Lithgow are somewhat necessary to the story. Other than that? Not so much. Segel is a trainer who wants to hook up with Fox who may or may not be stealing from Deb's store. O'Dowd is a goofy quasi-stoner who wants to hook up with Fox. Dunham makes a couple snarky comments. Smigel is perfect in deadpan fashion. There are too many storylines going on here from Deb and Pete's financial troubles, to a subplot with British rocker Graham Parker, to a drug-laced weekend getaway, to problems with the kids at school. Is this life? Yeah, in some fashion, but that doesn't make it a good movie.

The word that came to mind a lot as this movie wore on was 'self-indulgent.' '40' clocks in at a robust, far too long 134 minutes. With an episodic, drifting story, it goes on endlessly and could have been cut by about 40 minutes. The very funny Melissa McCarthy makes an appearance as a foul-mouthed mother, her improvised scene never ending (and uncomfortable to boot). Returning from Knocked Up, Charlyne Yi is ridiculously unfunny as the pill-popping Jodi, delivering a painfully awkward scene under the drug influence. Did Segel or O'Dowd even need to be in the movie? I wanted to like this movie, but I just couldn't get on board with it. A huge disappointment.

This Is 40 (2012): **/****

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Where do you even start with a movie like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? I'm not one to pass up a midnight movie so I went and saw this last night with a sellout crowd. You know going in what you're getting, lots of action, explosions, crazy CGI, all the makeups of the classic summer blockbuster. I mildly liked the first movie so I went in with modest expectations at best for the sequel. Somehow though, it didn't even live up those low expectations, and I'm not even sure where to start.

A plot for a movie like this is about as unnecessary as it gets. It needs something to push the action forward and let the CGI take over from there. Here, even getting to that point is slow-going. Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is off to college after saving the world from the Decepticons in the first movie with Optimus Prime and the Autobots. Life's pretty good for young Sam, he's got a gorgeous girlfriend, Mikaela (Megan Fox), and things have settled in nicely. But as he's moving, Sam finds a piece of the cube from the 1st movie with the little splinter giving him these crazy hallucinations with weird symbols.

Things develop and next thing you know new Decepticon leader Starscream is leading a rescue effort for Megatron, buried deep in an ocean trench, all in the hopes of helping the Fallen, a disgraced Decepticon, get back to Earth and take over the planet. There's more going on there, but it doesn't matter. The story bounces along and around so much it's hard to keep track of what's going on. Suffice it to say, most moviegoers aren't plopping down $11 to see Transformers for its well-written script.

So where to start? Just like the first movie, I enjoyed parts of the sequel and hated others. I'll get the negatives out of the way first. At 147 minutes, it's way too long. The Sam-to-college intro takes far too long to develop and tries too hard to get laughs including Sam's extremely annoying mother buying 'special' brownies and downing a whole bag. It's the type of college that never really exists, frat parties with strobe lights, pounding bass, beautiful girls dancing on tabletops and of course...cake with a serving knife. Uh, yeah, right.

In general, the humor is just too much from start to finish. Some good one-liners are needed in a movie like this, but not every other line of dialogue. Sam's parents, Kevin Dunn and Julie White, serve no purpose at all and provide many of the more groan-inducing lines, the Mom more than the Dad. Two new Autobots have been added, Mudflap and Skids, and might be the two most stereotypically offensive, annoying characters ever. SPOILER I hope they died in the battle with the sand-eating Decepticon, but I couldn't tell for sure.

Now for the action, what people pay to see right? Some criticisms of the 1st movie said there wasn't enough robot vs. robot action. Well, Bay took that too heart and overdoes it here. I'll give props when they're due. The CGI in both movies is so ridiculously good that at times I believe there's actually an Optimus Prime fighting Megatron. It rarely looks fake like so many other big budget blockbusters. But the problem for me is that when it comes down to it, it's still 2 nameless robots beating the crap out of each other. They're so detailed it's hard to even tell what's happening until one or the other rips his opponent's arm or head off. The finale in Egypt goes on far too long as robots go to town on each other.

To the casting now, both the good and the bad. I didn't care for LaBeouf much in the first movie, thought his character almost ruined Indiana Jones 4, but came around some when I saw Eagle Eye. He's actually pretty good here, toning down some of his eccentricities from the first one. He still yells too much just to yell, but it was his storyline that kept me at least somewhat interested. That storyline is with smoking girlfriend Mikaela, the babely Megan Fox. By no means a great actor, she's believable here as Sam's girlfriend, their relationship in general is pretty believable. Bay of course know his audience and has Fox running in slow motion in a ton of shots as you can see above, I lost track after 7, and changing and undressing and posing on motorcycles. I am that audience so I'm not complaining, just pointing it out.

My favorite part of the first one was the soldiers, Josh Duhamel and Tyrese, dealing with the appearance of the Decepticons in the Middle East. It didn't seem as forced as the rest of the movie. Two years later in the sequel, they've been upgraded to the NEST program, a joint operation betwen U.S. forces and the Autobots to protect the Earth. Their characters aren't given much to do, but they're cool characters even if they talk in overused, well-known movie cliches like "This isn't going to end well" and "What the hell is that?"

John Turturro returns as Agent Simms and with new arrival Ramon Rodriguez as Leo, Sam's roommate, a conspiracy theorist, provide the most annoying pairing in the movie. Turturro, almost always dead on in his parts, provides most of the comic relief or at least attempts at it but is just too overdone to be enjoyed. Rodriguez is required to scream every few minutes and look worried before saying something stupid. Other than that, no big casting changes although Australian beauty Isabel Lucas is good in a small part as Alice, a fellow freshman with the hots for Sam.

That's the movie in a nutshell, well a big nutshell I guess. I realize that with summer blockbusters we're not looking for all-time classics, but I do want to be entertained. By the last 40 minutes or so, I was bored to tears hoping all the robots would just kill each other and be done with it. It felt to me like Michael Bay came up with all these great ideas, threw them in a blender and started filming. The movie's all over the place with no real sense of direction other than crazy, stupid action, and even Megan Fox's hotness can't save it although she tries her best. And brace yourself, there's a third one coming! GASP! Keep it in mind when we're supposed to think Sam's dead. Ooops, spoiler alert.