Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I don't know if I can truly express how much I like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, how big a fan I was growing up and now as a grown-up kid of sorts. The animated series that ran for 10 seasons and 193 episodes was a staple in my childhood, as was the film trilogy that hit theaters between 1990 and 1993. Those four famous turtles never really left the public eye with a variety of action figures, cartoon series and even a couple reboot attempts on the franchise. Our latest entry? 2014's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Crime is running rampant across New York City as the police are seemingly baffled by the appearance of a new gang of street thugs called the Foot Clan. No one seems to be able to stop this new powerful gang led by the mysterious Shredder (Tohoru Masamune), but an intrepid young TV news reporter, April O'Neill (Megan Fox), is looking to get into the guts of the story. She stumbles into something, a vigilante fighting back against the Foot Clan...or so she thinks. It's not a vigilante, but four vigilantes but even April is in for a surprise. These four vigilantes are anthropomorphic turtles who are expert ninjas and named after Renaissance painters, Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo. They live in the sewers, only revealing themselves as needed to help fight crime while keeping their identities hidden. Heavily outnumbered, can these four teenage turtles slow down and ultimately stop Shredder and the Foot Clan?

Seriously, I loved the Turtles growing up. Yeah, we're on a first name basis. They're the Turtles. I had the action figures, the Turtle van, the baseball cards, the clothes, the weapons, and I watched that show and the movies religiously. I've grown up since (some I guess, probably not a lot), but the TMNT are still epic, still awesome. I missed out on the 2007 animated version, but just the same I was a tad curious, a bit worried when I heard another reboot was coming along. That worried feeling got worse when I read the master of explosions and flashy style Michael Bay was involved -- as a producer -- and that Megan Fox was cast as April O'Neil, the best TV news reporter...like, ever. I didn't head into this 2014 reboot with high expectations but still came away disappointed.

I don't know exactly why I didn't care for this flick from director Jonathan Liebesman. It's not one big reason, but a lot of little reasons. Let's start with the Turtles themselves. This may sound like sour grapes because the ones I grew up with are my favorites, but the Turtles...they just don't look right. They look right when it's actually something on-screen, not the CGI turtles on display here. They look like they've been hitting the gym pretty good -- cough steroids cough -- under the tutelage of their ninja master, Splinter (voice of Tony Shalhoub, motion capture of Danny Woodburn). All the familiar touches are there from their catch phrases to their rivalry (Leo and Raphael are still in a power struggle) to their love of pizza. Even their back story sticks with the known stuff but for lack of a better description, it comes down to this. Those Turtles, they're cutouts of their characters. Nothing more, nothing less.

Let's start with the voices and the characterization we do get. Jackass star Johnny Knoxville voices Leonardo, the Turtles' strong-willed leader. Yeah, Jackass star. I like Knoxville, but his voice wasn't a great match for the character. That's the most recognizable name among our quartet, Alan Ritchson (Raphael), Noel Fisher (Michelangelo) and Jeremy Howard (Donatello) rounding out the group. As we see here, Raphael is more intense and moody than ever, Donatello is more of a science/tech nerd than ever, and Michelangelo simply wants to bang Fox's April. It gets weird, the most lovable of the Turtles, Mikey himself, constantly hitting on April. I can't pinpoint it, but something was missing among the group whether it be the visual, the voices or just a poor script. Disappointed across the board.

Unfortunately, the Turtles' human counterparts don't fare much better. Yes, Megan Fox is incredibly easy on the eyes. One of the stars of the first two Transformers movies before having a falling out with Bay, Fox will never be called a great actress. She's miscast as April O'Neil, simple as that. Will Arnett is a funny guy in most things he does, but his Vernon Fenwick, April's cameraman, doesn't have much chemistry and the attempts at laughs didn't do much for me. William Fichtner is okay as Eric Sacks, a scientist and humanitarian involved with the creation of the Turtles who has some ulterior motives. In the odd 'What the heck?' casting department, Whoopi Goldberg appears in a couple scenes as April's boss at the news station. Minae Noji is underused as Shredder's enforcer, Karai.

There is some cool action in the last third of the movie as the Turtles do battle with Shredder and the Foot Clan, the battle starting on a mountaintop mansion and making its way to the streets of New York, ultimately wrapping up at the top of a skyscraper. It's pretty decent stuff, Bay's typically schizophrenic style kept relatively low-key while still packing an adrenaline punch. My biggest issue though? I was bored. I love these characters, love their story, love their camaraderie, and I was downright bored for almost the entire movie. I seem to be in the minority, 'Turtles' raking in the dough to the tune of almost $300 million internationally as I write this review. A sequel has already been announced so there's that too. An unfortunate negative review, a childhood favorite not living up to expectations that weren't that high to begin with.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014): * 1/2 /****

Elysium

With his 2009 debut District 9, screenwriter and director Neill Blomkamp had a Debut. Yes, a capital D. It was that good, a science fiction story that was smart and unique, visually interesting and unlike just about any other sci-fi flick out there. Blomkamp has been patient though picking his follow-up, finally directing his second feature film, 2013's Elysium.

It's 2154 and Earth as we know it is no more. Overpopulation has ravaged the planet, the rich and well-to-do creating an immense, luxurious space station named Elysium that floats around the planet, allowing them to steer clear of the unclean masses back on Earth. In the slums of Los Angeles, an ex-con, Max Da Costa (Matt Damon), is making it day-to-day, working in a manufacturing factory on an assembly line for the Elysium-run Armadyne Corp. A work accident exposes him to deadly amounts of radiation, Max given just five days to live. Elysium has Med-Bays that can cure any disease, any ailment, but Max has no way of getting there. With his days quite literally numbered, Max takes a deal with a black market dealer to try and "steal" a rich man's financial information by actually hacking his brain. The chances of success are slim at best, but Max has no better alternative.

What I'm about to say I don't say as a complaint, just an observation. Is it just me or does it seem like wave after wave of dystopian science fiction films keep hitting theaters? From Oblivion to The Hunger Games movies, Total Recall to Looper and many more, we seem to be in the Age of Dystopia, well, in films at least. Even Blomkamp's previous film, District 9, was the definition of a dystopian film. Is it a bad thing? Can you have too much of a good thing? When handled correctly, I don't think it matters if a movie is, for the lack of a better word, "familiar." And don't be confused, Elysium is familiar but almost always in a good way. It's somewhat predictable almost from the get-go and if you've read anything from 1984 to Fahrenheit 451, you have an idea of where it's going. There are haves and have-nots, the haves doing their damnedest to make sure it stays that way. If that ain't a good jumping off point, I don't know what is.

In the same way Blomkamp's 'District' was unique, so is 'Elysium.' Again writing the screenplay and directing, Blomkamp does what the best science fiction films do. He creates a world that is original, unsettling, realistic and quite a window into our society in the present. It works because it is rather easy to see our 2014 Earth becoming the 2154 Earth of Elysium. Overpopulation is a very real threat so it's easy to see developing this way. The overpopulated masses left behind live in expansive slums, Los Angeles turning into slums as far as the eye can see, not unlike the slums in Rio de Janiero. They work for minimal wages, kept under the oppressive thumb of the government and corporations of Elysium. That power seems to be waning though, something the Defense Secretary, Delacourt (Jodie Foster), is aware of and trying to combat. From the technology to the transportation, the unidentifiable accents that the people of Elysium have developed, it's Blomkamp developing a world, all those little touches combining to make it unsettling and dramatic and realistic, maybe most importantly, a frightening world.

For this all to work though, we need some sort of human component, and that comes from Damon's Max, a doomed anti-hero if there ever was. His background is hinted at, addressed some in fuzzy-edged flashbacks (Maxwell Perry Cotton playing Young Max), an orphan who turned to stealing cars (maybe more) and ended up in jail. Now, he's trying to go clean when his life is shortened with the work accident. Criminal past aside, Damon's Max is sympathetic. With nothing to lose, nothing that can happen to him is actually that threatening. Still, he desperately wants to live, and that's why he takes a ridiculously suicidal mission from black market dealer and smuggler, Spider (Wagner Moura). We're rooting for Max from the word 'go,' and we want him to make it. The radiation exposure has severely weakened him, forcing Spider to outfit him with a weaponized/armored exo-skeleton. That Blomkamp, he seems to have a fascination with engineered/mutated anti-heroes. Damon hits all the right notes as Max, sympathetic, intense and driven like nothing else to survive.

Beyond Damon though, Blomkamp chose not to use much in terms of recognizable star power. The biggest name is Jodie Foster as Delacourt, the icy, greedy and high-reaching Defense Secretary. She's fed up with limitations placed on her shoulders, especially by the peacefully idealistic President of Elysium (Faran Tahir), even though results are demanded above all else. Blomkamp favorite and District 9 star Sharlto Copley plays Kruger, a black ops agent who does all the dirty work for Delacourt. I like Copley (really liked him in 'District'), but there are times he gets to ham it up too much, too many one-liners. Still, he's a terrifying villain, a possible unhinged and very capable agent. Alice Braga plays Frey, a childhood friend/crush of Max's, now a single mom with a daughter (Emma Tremblay) dying from leukemia, William Fichtner plays an Armadyne C.E.O. and a target of Max's, and Diego Luna plays Julio, Max's close friend trying to help his wounded friend in need.

Where Blomkamp has made a name for himself and can hopefully help him have long-term success is his storytelling ability. His sci-fi stories are smart, no doubt about it. But just like District 9, he blends in that well-written, message-oriented story with some great, heart-pumping and visceral action story. He still relies too much on the ultra-hyper, shaky cam techniques, but the action isn't as indecipherable as some movies. This action is fast, bloody and gets the blood pumping. The finale really packs a punch in the action department, Max loose in Elysium with Kruger and his two enforcers (Brandon Auret and Josh Blacker) hot on his trail. My favorite though was near the midpoint of the movie, Max trying to pull off Spider's crazy plan, robbing the memory of Fichtner's brains, not realizing he's stumbled into something far bigger than he thought. It's a big, loud action scene, full of slow-motion and hyper editing that works together, composer Ryan Amon's score adding to that pulse-pounding shootout.

Filmed on the outskirts of the slums in an isolated, sandy flatland, it's a great action sequence. That's what I like most about Blomkamp's movies. They're a good mix of the smart, intelligent and thoughtful with equal parts action, exciting throughout, and some pretty cool characters. It isn't a classic sci-fi, but it's still very good. Easily recommended.

Elysium (2013): ***/****

The Lone Ranger

It is a character who's name is instantly recognizable, the Lone Ranger. First appearing in radio serials in 1933, the Lone Ranger has seen has his own very successful TV show in the 1950s, a brief run as an animated star in the 1960s, a disastrously bad (so I've heard) film version in 1981, and most recently, a reboot of the character of sorts, 2013's The Lone Ranger. Where does it stand? Well, it was one of the biggest financial disappointments of the year. Give it a try though, keep an open mind and I think you'll like it. I did.

It's 1869 in Colby, Texas and a young, naive, idealistic new district attorney, John Reid (Armie Hammer) arrives in town ready to clean up the area. The country is expanding, the railroad racing across the state, and Reid wants to be a part of it, to bring some civilization to the area. A problem has arisen though, a sadistic outlaw, Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner), escaping from custody. Reid heads out with a posse of Texas Rangers to catch Cavendish, but they're ambushed and Reid is the only one to survive, albeit getting shot in the process. He awakes to find a Comanche warrior, Tonto (Johnny Depp), looking out for him, claiming that Reid is now a Spirit Warrior, a man who passed to the other side and come back to normal life. Tonto too is searching for Cavendish with his own reasons for revenge. Forming an unlikely partnership, Reid -- disguising himself because Cavendish believes he's dead -- and Tonto decide to work together to find Cavendish, all amidst the railroad issues and cavalry intervening with a possible Comanche uprising.

Released last summer in theaters, 'Lone' had quite the checkered history in actually getting to theaters. When it did reach audiences, it flopped. Odd to think of any movie that earned $260 million internationally being a flop, but when a film had a budget somewhere between $225-250 million and another $100-plus on promotion, well, it's a flop. Well.....I liked it. For me, my enjoyment started because it is an entertaining movie. Plain and simple, it's entertaining. More than that though as a western, it knows where the genre has come from. Hans Zimmer's musical score is solid if not up there with his best, but it samples spaghetti western master composer Ennio Morricone's scores from Once Upon a Time in the West and The Good, the Bad and the Ugly in some nice nods to genre classics.  'Lone' was also filmed in Monument Valley, made famous by director John Ford, and even some of the shots are reminiscent of iconic Ford shots. It's nice little touches that this that start 'Lone' off on the right foot.

With a film directed by Gore Verbinski and starring Johnny Depp, my worry was that I would be watching a western version of Pirates of the Caribbean: Western Style. The end result is a positive and negative. Yes, it is in the same vein of the Pirates movies. It's big and loud and colorful and schizophrenic at times. There's a lot of characters, a lot going on, blending in the drama with some laughs and some action. In other words, 'Lone' tries to be that perfect summer blockbuster, succeeding for the most parts. What then are the biggest issues? A framing device in the story department comes up short, an aged, wrinkly Tonto in 1933 San Francisco telling the Lone Ranger's story to a little boy, is forced and tries to lighten the mood too much. The elements of the mystical and spiritual are overdone as well, Tonto's insistence that John is a Spirit Warrior good but just used too much. Also, is Tonto a spirit himself? Just have fun with the story. Don't overdo it like that.

One of the original hero/sidekick duos, the Lone Ranger and Tonto are two pretty cool characters no matter what Ranger incarnation we're talking. I wasn't sold on Hammer (The Social Network) as John Reid, but he grew on me with each passing scene. The same for Depp, the casting looking like he'd play Capt. Jack Sparrow in the west. His Tonto is quirky, a little off in the Capt. Jack vein, but it is most definitely a fun part. He definitely doesn't deserve the flak he's received, including a Razzie nomination for Worst Actor. I also don't think it's fair to criticize Depp for being cast as a Native American. Is it in poor taste? It's a movie. Cool your jets. Above all else, I liked the chemistry between Hammer and Depp. Hammer's John is somewhat suspicious of Tonto, wanting to do things his way. Depp's Tonto thinks John is a little off himself, his idealistic motivations having no place in the wild west. They're funny together, both given some background to humanize them a bit, Tonto's background providing some of the emotional background.

Who else to look out for? Fichtner is very creepy as the infamous outlaw Butch Cavendish who enjoys eating his victims' hearts as they die. Look for James Frain and Leon Rippy in small parts as members of Butch's gang. Tom Wilkinson plays Latham Cole, the railroad executive placed in charge of advancing the rails as fast and far as possible. It's Wilkinson so you know he's up to something. Otherwise, why would he be here? Ruth Wilson is solid too as John's sister-in-law, a past love, who married John's brother, a Texas Ranger, played in a nice supporting part for James Badge Dale. Also having some fun is Helena Bonham Carter as Red, a brothel owner with an ivory leg, siding with John and Tonto in their troubles while Barry Pepper plays a God-fearing, gung-ho cavalry officer working with Cole to control the Comanches. Even Stephen Root makes an appearance late as a higher-up in the railroad company who's checking on the progress his company is making.

Again in the vein of the Pirates series is the rollover in the action department. What's there is surprisingly gruesome in terms of on-screen violence, if not particularly graphic. So be forewarned, this may not be the movie for younger kids. Mostly though, the action is flashy and fun, big and entertaining, gigantic action sequences full of CGI, crazy stunts and scenarios that no real-life human being could accomplish. The opening sequence where John and Tonto meet is pretty cool, the duo chained together and trying to stop a runaway train. The same for the finale, a train packed with silver lode being chased by another train, anyone and everyone jumping on and off one train and then the next, one ridiculous thing after another. It's goofy and fun right from the start, keeping things entertaining throughout the 149-minute running time.

Fans of the Lone Ranger will hopefully enjoy this one. I didn't come in as a huge fan with high expectations, just looking for a fun movie. It is, doing the Lone Ranger justice from his capable, maybe super-horse, Silver (his "Hi-yo, Silver, away! providing a good laugh), and of course, the Lone Ranger theme -- listen HERE -- from the William Tell overture, all those touches you're looking for in a movie with this iconic character. It's a reboot, but because of the financial struggles, this will probably be it for the series/franchise. So what are we left with? A movie that is overindulgent, goofy, schizophrenic and a whole lot of fun with some great characters, good laughs and lots of entertaining moments.

The Lone Ranger (2013): ***/****

Phantom

Okay, it's official. If you believe the movies (and I do), there is nowhere worse you can serve in any country's military than a submarine. Betrayals, mutinies, drowning, claustrophobic conditions, horrific food, how can you lose? If you're a Russian submariner I suppose. Hunt for Red October, K-19, and now 2013's Phantom, ever so briefly in theaters and another horrific experience for the Russian navy.

A longtime veteran of the Russian navy, submarine captain Demi (Ed Harris) is approached by an old friend and rival to complete one last patrol and mission he knows little to nothing about. Demi will be serving on a sub he commanded in the past, much of his crew assembled for the patrol and the rest filled in with available sailors. At the last minute, he is stopped by two officers and Russian commandos, including Bruni (David Duchovny), who instruct Demi that they must follow their every order. Already wary and quite suspicious of the mission, Demi nonetheless goes along with it...until he finds out their true intention. Then, it's a matter of time to who among his crew will side with him and if they can stop a quickly escalating problem that could result in a global nuclear war between America and Russia.

Now I must have blinked and missed this one, but this based on true events submarine thriller from director Todd Robinson (who also wrote the script) was actually in theaters in early March. Debuting in over 1,000 theaters, it made a whopping $508,000 and was quickly pulled from theaters taking a huge hit against a $18 million budget. I actually thought this was a straight-to-DVD release and was pleasantly surprised to find it wasn't. 'Phantom' has touches of a good movie from the claustrophobic on-sub look of the movie to a worthwhile score from Jeff Rona. The threat of a nuclear missile being fired at America/Russia right in the midst of the Cold War is usually all a good sub thriller would need, but something is missing here. It's unfortunate because the early goings is pretty good.

It's the mystery vs. the knowledge here. The first 45 minutes does a really good job building up the tension and throwing out that sense of mystery out there. Harris' Demi is clearly a tortured individual, suffering from hallucinations and occasional seizures that cripple him out of the blue. What drove him to that point? As for Duchovny and his commando/KGB agent partner (Derek Magyar), what exactly is their mission? What do they hope to achieve? Do we want to know or is it more effective dramatically to not know? For me, the build-up is typically better than the actual reveal. When we don't know and question everything, the mystery makes it better. The revelation here is weak at best and things get more and more convoluted following the reveal. Wasting a strong start, 'Phantom' limps to the finish line.

While it's easy to rip a lot of different things about this flick, the cast is the biggest positive to take away here. Harris is always good no matter the role or quality of the film, and he doesn't disappoint as the tortured Russian sub captain. His explanation for how he ended up where he is -- pawned off in the drecks of the navy -- is a moving, emotional monologue. His Demi decides he's had enough and wants to do the right thing for a change. Duchovny as Bruni is a mixed bag, good when there's mystery, not so good when his intentions are revealed. William Fichtner is excellent in a very strong supporting part as Alex Kozlov, Demi's friend, second-in-command and upcoming replacement. Lance Henriksen even makes a brief appearance as Demi's old friend, now an admiral asking him to undertake this last mission. As for the rest of the crew, look for Johnathon Schaech as Pavlov, the sub's political officer, with Sean Patrick Flanery, Jason Beghe, and Jason Gray-Stanford as key officers for/against completing the "mission."

There's not much more I can say without giving too much away here. When the tension and nerves should be ratcheted up to an almost unbearable level, the story becomes convoluted and distracting. One conversation after another muddles things to the point I wasn't even sure what was going on. The final scenes go for a stylistic choice that I thought bordered on pretentious and artsy. Moral of that story? It is a style choice I thought fell short of its moving intention. A disappointing final review mostly because submarine movies are usually so good. A talented cast is wasted with a story that had potential but derails about halfway through.

Phantom (2013): **/****

Seal Team Six: The Raid on Osama Bin Laden

In the midst of awards season, director Kathryn Bigelow's Zero Dark Thirty is getting all sorts of Oscar buzz from Best Picture to Jessica Chastain for Best Actress. It's a movie I liked but didn't love, but I can appreciate the quality from beginning to end. The story of the hunt for Osama Bin Laden is a massive undertaking which 'Thirty' does well at tackling. How about a smaller budget straight-to-DVD version of the same story? Uh-oh, this could be bad, but here we go with 2012's Seal Team Six: The Raid on Osama Bin Laden.

As the years pass since the 9/11 attacks, the CIA, including an agent named Vivian (Kathleen Robertson), continue to search for clues that will ultimately lead to terrorist Osam Bin Laden. When a promising clue leads to a fortress-like compound in Pakistan, two field agents (apparently unlisted/uncredited in the cast listing) set up surveillance on the compound in hopes of figuring out for sure if bin Laden is in there. As the clues comes together, Seal Team 6, including young team leader, Stunner (Cam Gigandet), and veteran right-hand man, Cherry (Anson Mount), prepare to lead a raid to take out bin Laden should the clues and identity come together as planned.

Originally shown on National Geographic TV (I didn't know that channel existed) just a few days before the November 2012 election, 'Raid' is impossible to view without thinking of Bigelow's Zero Dark Thirty. It tells the same, exact story, right down to the division of the story among a handful of different stories. Where 'Zero' uses Chastain's Maya as a link to all the stories, 'Raid' has no real unifying hook other than the ultimate goal of hunting down bin Laden. It has a docu-drama feel to the too-short 91 minute movie, utilizing stock footage of the war in Afghanistan with election footage, some President Obama soundbites, quick editing of C.I.A. headquarters in Langley, and general B-roll.

Don't be confused though. While the title says this is a movie about Seal Team 6 and its raid for bin Laden, it's not exclusively that story. It certainly devotes more time to the team than 'Zero' did, but it's not just their story. The actual Team 6 story is pretty standard men-on-a-mission focus. Along with Gigandet's Stunner and Mount's Cherry, we're introduced to Mule (rapper Xzibit), Trench (Freddy Rodriguez), and Sauce (Kenneth Miller), and Lieutenant Commander (Robert Knepper). It's pretty typical stuff. The group bickers, fights, argues, makes fun of each other. The rivalry dynamic between Stunner and Cherry is hackneyed at best and feels like something you will have seen in countless other movies. The weird part? Beyond the rivalry thing, the men on a men angle, the specialists working together works surprisingly well. Kudos to first-time screenwriter Kendall Lampkin for getting that element correct.

Some scenes among the team stood out in a positive sense for me. An early mission in the desert is well-choreographed and full of tension with a surprising capper. The raid itself in the finale is nothing spectacular (especially having seen Zero Dark Thirty where that scene is perfection). Instead, it's the moments that are more personal that work. Mule and Trench talking about the mission near an airfield and how they ended up as Seals is well-written and well-acted. It's the definition of cliched, but a scene where the Seals video-message with their families right before the mission is authentic and emotional in in its simplicity. Anything new in that formula? Nope, but when the story has a finale that EVERYONE knows where it's going, there has to be something along the route to keep you interested.

Of the three storylines, the weakest is the C.I.A. angle. Robertson's Vivian -- quite the looker -- wears huge-rimmed glasses a 1960s librarian wouldn't have worn, apparently to dull down her looks (I guess?). She's joined by the always reliable William Fichtner as Mr. Guidry, a C.I.A. supervisor, and Eddie Kaye Thomas as a fellow agent with a different stance on the bin Laden hunt. These are the scenes that have the pseudo-documentary feel to them, and not for the better as they lack any real sense or urgency or energy. While I can't find their names listed in the cast, the third storyline of the two agents on the ground in Pakistan near the compound is more compelling -- by far -- than the C.I.A. angle.

I'll be giving this TV-movie the same rating as I did Zero Dark Thirty, but I'm not saying they're equally good or even on the same page. Many reviewers criticized the left-wing angle this movie takes, its lack of military accuracy on a ridiculously minute angle, or any number of other things. The moral of the story is what I go into every movie with. Did I like it? Even a little? Yes, I enjoyed this one throughout. Regardless of your thoughts, it would make an interesting companion piece to watch with Bigelow's Zero Darky Thirty.

Seal Team 6: The Raid on Osama bin Laden (2012): ***/****