Helen of Troy (1956)

There are stories, and then there are STORIES. Written by Homer, The Iliad is one of the latter, an epic in every sense of the word about honor, love, war, betrayal, loyalty, and a lot of other great stuff that wouldn't seem out of place in a daytime soap opera. In the early 2000s, a rash of feature films and TV movies came out telling the story, most notably 2004's epic Troy.  It is a story that lends itself well to the epic format that Hollywood used as its bread and butter in the 1950s and early 1960s, including 1956's Helen of Troy.

If you're known as the person in history with "the face that launched a thousand ships," you're clearly not going to be forgotten anytime soon.  With all the different versions and takes on the Iliad, it was cool to see this epic from Helen's perspective as opposed to the more major players. Yes, she was the cause of the decade-long confrontation between the Trojans and the Spartans, but once the war did start, she's almost an afterthought as the major players step to the front. It is cool to see the story from her perspective, but there's only one problem. Director Robert Wise forgot to make her or her lover Paris interesting in even the slightest way.

With war brewing on the horizon, Trojan prince Paris (Jacques Sernas) travels to Sparta to see if he can negotiate a treaty for peace after all other efforts have failed. On the trip there he is washed overboard in rough seas only to float to shore where he is saved by Helen (Rossana Podesta), Queen of Troy, who is instantly drawn to the prince, but knows nothing can come of it and instead poses as a slave girl. Paris heads to the city to meet Menelaus (Niall MacGinnis), King of Sparta, and is more than a little surprised to see Helen there too at his side. Sparta is far from willing to negotiate any deal with Troy so Paris prepares to leave, but as he goes he takes Helen with him. Menelaus and his brother Agamemnon (Robert Douglas) prepare for war, bringing their army together from all corners of their empire, ready to bring back Helen and destroy Troy in the process.

The characters here are some of the best you will ever come across in literature, and here in the movie version. These are larger than life individuals, battling on a huge stage with thousands of lives hanging in the balance over a love triangle (this is one of the few exceptions where the love triangle plot device actually works). How then does a movie make these people boring, uninteresting and un-engaging? No idea, but this movie accomplishes that not so pleasant feat. Even at just over two hours, this is an epic shooting for the heights of Ben-Hur or Fall of the Roman Empire. It is all about the spectacle and what the eye can behold more than plot or character development. That's somewhat fair with this story because most people are somewhat familiar with the Iliad. But effort -- even a small one -- would have been appreciated.

Using 2004's Troy as a jumping off point, I mentioned that seeing Helen and Paris' perspective was interesting...at first. My biggest issue is that both characters are nearly impossible to like.  They love each other so much that they're willing to basically allow two warring countries to wipe each other out. Oh no, we're so drawn to each other we can't be apart. Bah, they're two of the whiniest characters ever. Troy wisely pushes them aside once the story is presented. Not helping the cause is that Podesta as Helen and Sernas as Paris are two of the most lackluster, wooden performers I've ever seen.  They have passionate embraces (oh, scandalous) and exchange some knowing glances, but I couldn't have cared less about either of them.

Piling on to the casting department, let's rip the rest of the cast. Granted this is not your prototypical epic that goes for three hours with an all-star cast and sets the world on fire. It tries to be though. I can't think of a cast from an epic that left as little of an impression on me as this 1956 epic did.  The cast is backed into a corner right away with a dud of a script so it's not entirely their fault, but just about every one on-screen is just angrily reciting lines. Stanley Baker is a relative bright spot, hamming it up as a near-lunatic Achilles, Harry Andrews is miscast as Hector, the good prince and son of Troy, and Cedric Hardwicke plays Priam, King of Troy, among a long listing of actors and actresses who I've seen in little else. These are great characters who end up being cardboard cutouts of something better. If nothing else, look for a 22-year old Brigitte Bardot in a supporting role as Helen's attendant/slave, Andraste.

Helen of Troy is not a complete waste, mostly because of the scale and the spectacle. Wise films his movie in Italy so the locations are gorgeous, and the sets and costuming were clearly spared no expense. The scale of the movie is impressive. The Spartans' first attack on Troy and its high city walls is something to behold. Literally thousands of extras were used to fill out the ranks of either army. That is the one part of the movie that truly feels like an epic. It is too bad then that the story and character and any sort of plot tension is completely missing.

Helen of Troy <---trailer (1956): **/****