Stretch

Way back in 2004 -- good Lord, that's 11 years ago already -- I was introduced to Patrick Wilson with one of my favorite movies, the newest version of The Alamo. In the decade-plus since (again, it's 11 freaking years later), Wilson has worked steadily and turned in some very solid performances. He hasn't taken that next step though, no star-making role that helped him take the next step. Courtesy of some studio shenanigans, this next flick might not be that role, but Wilson, well, he absolutely steals 2014's Stretch.

After several years in Los Angeles trying to become an actor, a man named Stretch (Wilson) has cleaned himself up after a particularly bad break-up with the girl (Brooklyn Decker) he was about to propose to. He kicked a drug and drinking problem and has slowly but surely been paying off his gambling debt. Well, all his plans are kinda up in the air now. Working as a limo driver, he's threatened by his boss to pick things up, to help the company, and to do so NOW. That's the least of his problems though. As he's off to pick up a client, his bookie chases him down with a menacing thought. His debt has been bought by a rival bookie, and now Stretch has until midnight to pay up the $6,000 he owes. What sounds impossible might not be too bad if his next client, eccentric billionaire Roger Karos (Chris Pine) somehow comes through with a huge tip. What's getting that tip entail? Even Stretch doesn't know what awaits.

This helter-skelter crime thriller (with some very funny moments mixed in) from director Joe Carnahan (who also wrote the screenplay) has a less than pleasant production run. Originally scheduled for a theatrical release March 2014, it was scrapped and only released via iTunes, Amazon and On-Demand this past fall, October 2014. Biggest takeaway? I don't know what kind of response 'Stretch' would have gotten in theaters, but I loved it. Smart, funny, stylish and featuring a deep, talented cast that looks to be having a ball. It isn't your normal old action thriller either, trying to be something different, something better. In a movie age of lowest common denominator -- what appeals to the most viewers -- it's cool and refreshing to see a movie just try something different. When it works? All the better, and Stretch works in a big way.

It starts with a style. Voiceover narration is nothing new in crime thrillers, but this one is almost non-stop. If Wilson's Stretch isn't actually talking on-screen, the narration kicks in. That could be a deal-breaker, but man, it works. Stretch wants to be an actor and as he gets deeper and deeper into this whirlwind of a night, he becomes that actor, pretending to be all sorts of things to get in and out of all these messes. As a CSI Miami producer once told him, 'Own your space.' Well, he does. The basis for the story is a sub-genre, the overnight movie where a whole bunch of stuff happens in one extended night. 'Stretch' was filmed in Los Angeles at night, a world unto itself and all the people and goofs and crazies that our intrepid, troubled limo driver will come across. It gets crazier by the minute, and I laughed and loved it throughout. Style to burn but not a style that tries too hard.

There's a certain charm to Wilson's titular character and a credit to Wilson in general. Our desperate, not so heroic limo driver isn't the most likable character. He's a bit of an a-hole. Now that said...I did like him. You're rooting for him because it's just too goofy not to. I thought Wilson was great here. He's excellent delivering the narration as the action develops, as we hear his thoughts in the moment of how to improvise, how to get through this night alive and with some cash. By the end of the movie, he's beat up, bloodied and bruised, and you feel like you've been through the ringer with him. A sign and show of the talent he has, talent that will hopefully lead to more bigger and better parts.

I thought it was odd that co-star Chris Pine went uncredited for his part here. He's previously worked with Carnahan on Smokin' Aces and has the second-most screentime of the entire cast. Blah blah blah I guess. He's a scene-stealer. His Karos is unhinged, possibly a lunatic and an alpha-male who doesn't have a care in the world...although he definitely should. Similar to his part in Horrible Bosses 2, Pine just commits to the craziness/goofiness and goes for it. The result is that it feels real and funny, not forced. His chemistry with Wilson is perfect as the night goes on, two guys playing off each other seamlessly. Also, stick around for the outtakes in the credits. There's a ton of laughs, but the best scenes have Wilson and Pine trying not to crack up in what looks to be an improvised scene. Very funny stuff.

The cast overall is excellent. Also look for Ed Helms as Karl -- with a 'K' -- a limo driver who killed himself and now serves as Stretch's conscious of sorts...while sporting a mustache he grew in Hell. Yeah, go with it. It works. Jessica Alba plays Charlie, Stretch's dispatcher trying to help him out with some major clients while James Badge Dale plays Laurent, a mystery man caught up in the nighttime full of betrayal and international intrigue. Appearing as themselves as clients are David Hasselhoff and Ray Liotta (another Smokin' Aces co-star) while Randy Couture appears in uncredited fashion as El Jovi, a rival limo client with some extravagances. Matthew Willig is memorable as Boris, his tow-truck driving brother and enforcer.

In the end, things are wrapped up a little too tidy for my liking, but overall, I loved this movie. A thrill ride in 94 minutes, the pace never slows down and it's entertaining and fun throughout. Highly recommended tracking it down.

Stretch (2014): *** 1/2 /****

Into the Blue

It seemed like one of those fake celebrity death stories that seem to pop up more and more over the last couple years. No, this one was real. A star of the Fast and the Furious movies and many other flicks, Paul Walker died in a car accident November 30th. He was just 40 years old. I was and is a huge fan of Walker -- mostly because of the F and F movies -- but I realized I hadn't seen many other movies he was in. Let's try and switch that, starting with 2005's Into the Blue.

Living in the Bahamas, Jared (Walker) is a bit of a beach bum, doing odd jobs and living with his girlfriend, Sam (Jessica Alba). He moves from job to job, living out of a little trailer and working on his beaten-up old boat, hoping to one day find some sunken treasure that will provide for himself and Sam for the rest of their lives. After losing a scuba diving job, Jared gets a visit from his old friend, Bryce (Scott Caan), and his recent babely pick-up/hook-up, Amanda (Ashley Scott), the quartet partying it up at an immense villa Bryce's firm has taken control of. While partying out on a yacht and scuba-diving, Jared lucks upon a huge find waiting for him on the ocean floor, the long lost remains of a shipwreck that has grown to mythical proportions over the years. Now, they just need some money and equipment to lay claim to the treasure, but there's one more problem. Not far from the wreck, they find a crashed plane with dead bodies inside and more dangerously, hundreds of kilos of cocaine. What to do? What to do?

While I thought this John Stockwell-directed film looked interesting when it first came out, I never sought it out. Over recent years, I even watched a movie from the 1970s, The Deep, that looked like 'Blue' tried to duplicate almost to a T. But soon after Walker's sudden passing in November, it popped up on MGM-HD, giving me a chance to catch up with it. What's the appeal? Well, for starters just look at the poster up above. It's pretty people being pretty having crazy adventures in beautiful, exotic places. Do you really need anything else? This isn't a movie that's going to strain any brain cells while watching. Clocking in at 110 minutes, it's an exciting, action-packed story with some twists along the way that keep in interesting. Sit back with some popcorn and enjoy it, just don't overthink it.

Let's face it. Paul Walker is a good-looking guy. This was a movie made for his fans who like him for his....physical talents? Like the entire cast, Walker spends much of the movie in board shorts, swimming around and generally being dreamy. More importantly though, he does what he does best. Walker was an underrated action star, more than capable of handling his own in any number of action sequences. It sure looks like he's doing most of his own stunts, on land and underwater, giving a sense of authenticity to the action (more on that later). On top of that, I also liked Walker's Jared character. If it sounds simple, so be it, but he's a good guy who has a good life if not a glamorous one. When he's presented with a chance to provide for the rest of his life, he's conflicted on what to do, knowing that those crashed drugs he finds were meant to be somewhere and someone is going to come looking for them. An underrated actor with the right script/character, Walker does a strong job leading the way in this Bahama adventure.

The rest of the cast is more hit or miss. Alba was nominated for a Razzie for Worst Actress, but I won't go that far. I thought she did a good job at Walker's side, basically the perfect girl....well, ever. Her Sam is the most conflicted morally about what they should do, the $ only blinding her momentarily. While I normally like Scott Caan, this isn't a great part for him, his Bryce beyond annoying and beyond stupid, making one stupid decision after another. The same for Ashley Scott who seems to be around as eye candy and little else. Because he was originally typecast as a villain, Josh Brolin is the villain, Bates, a boat owner with a huge reputation, and some tricks up his sleeve. There's plenty of other villains around including James Frain as Reyes, the slimy drug dealer, Tyson Beckford as Primo, a Bahamian thug who rocks a mohawk so you know he's a bad guy, Dwayne Adway as Roy, a Bahamian cop who may be pitting all sides against each other.

You wouldn't know from watching, but this PG-13 flick sure seems more like an R-rated flick. The action isn't graphic, but it sure is brutal. As the twisting story throws one nasty bad guy at Jared and Co. after another, the story takes a particularly brutal road to the finish. Let's just say John Stockwell's film has some interesting ways to dispose of some villains. It does get a little silly toward the end, but it's never dull so I'll give credit where it's due. At a most basic level, this is about showing scantily clad individuals -- male and female -- cavorting around the Bahamas.

Seriously, if you muted this movie, you may think it's a porno. The camera lingers a whole lot (and in slow motion) on Jessica Alba and Ashley Scott, and to a lesser degree Paul Walker and Scott Caan. That's what is worth mentioning. It's an easily digestable, fun, action-packed movie with some truly stupid characters in their swimsuits making some truly stupid decisions. How can you wrong?

Into the Blue (2005): ** 1/2 /****

Machete

Use the term 'exploitation film' and it's about as vague as you can get in describing a genre as a whole. So how to describe them? Basically any movie made on the cheap -- to a point at least -- that appeals to a mass audience. This is not The Godfather or Lawrence of Arabia. These films through the 1960s and 1970s can be amazingly bad to watch (in a good way), and influenced directors like Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez, both modern day directors who have done their own exploitation films, including Rodriguez's 2010's Machete.

It's been three years since ex-Federale, Machete (Danny Trejo), was betrayed by his boss, saw his wife and daughter killed and was left for dead. Now working as a day laborer in Texas, Machete is approached by the mysterious Booth (Jeff Fahey) who offers him $150,000 to assassinate Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), currently running for re-election. Machete agrees and takes the money, but he is double-crossed during the attempt. It was all a set-up, and McLaughlin was in on it to boost his re-election effort. Severely wounded and on the run, Machete is on his own, but he's looking for answers. You can follow his trail by the mangled bodies he's going to leave behind.

As a director, Rodriguez shot to fame with his ultra-low budget El Mariachi and kept climbing with Desperado, From Dusk Til Dawn and the Spy Kids series (I suppose on that last one). He already did a tribute to exploitation with Sin City and Grindhouse, but thanks to the fictional trailers from Grindhouse, he had the potential for this film. I understand the appeal of the genre; no pretensions about sex, violence, sex, drugs, sex, whatever. I love low-budget schlock, and all those touches are there. The grainy film, that distinct low-budget look, the ridiculous story, all there for us to enjoy. But the problem for me was obvious. You make an exploitation film and do it. Made for a little over $10 million, something just ain't right here.

The only thing I can figure? Instead of just being an exploitation flick, it comes across as a spoof. It has its moments, especially Trejo's stone-faced one-liners and reactions, including my favorite, "Machete don't text." Rodriguez just tries too hard to make those films he grew up on and loved. How many different ways can you see a machete decapitate, cripple, mangle and generally destroy a human being? I lost count, but the effort was surely made here. It's supposed to be cartoonish violence, but it ends up looking laughable. I don't know if it was just poorly done CGI or what, but the final product is bad. Low brow is one thing (and can certainly be a positive), but when Machete jumps out a window and uses a man's intestines as a bungee cord, I knew I was in trouble.

A veteran of 150-plus flicks, Danny Trejo doesn't disappoint as the titular character. He basically expresses no emotion, doesn't crack a smile and is required to look tough and be a badass who dispatches nameless henchmen in creative ways with a machete....oh, and usually saying a cheesy one-liner while doing it. That's all. Trejo nails the part. Give Rodriguez credit. The man can put a cast together. De Niro hams it up as McLaughlin with Fahey being a gravelly-voiced scene stealer as Booth, the senator's aide. In the eye candy department, we've got Jessica Alba (can't act, semi-nude scene), Michelle Rodriguez (can act, no nude scene), and Lindsay Lohan (can't act, topless). In the flashback department, we've got an enormous-looking Steven Seagal as a Mexican drug lord and Don Johnson as a vigilante "protecting" the U.S./Mexico border. Rodriguez favorite Cheech Marin is another scene-stealer as Padre, Machete's shotgun-toting brother who happens to be a priest. Also look for Shea Whigham as Booth's inept henchman.

The story that revolves around Machete's revenge efforts include De Niro's Senator, Seagal's drug lord, Johnson's border vigilante, and an evil conspiracy to control the border to curtail illegal immigrants coming into America. I'm all sorts of democratic, but I don't want any message shoved in my face in a movie named 'Machete.' The whole angle, the angelic underground network helping people across and the dastardly evil big business, gets to be too much in a movie that had a whole lot of too much for me.

Look, I get it. This isn't a movie meant to be over-analyzed and critiqued within an inch of its life. It's about seeing Machete bed down every woman he meets (almost), about twin nurses in short skirts firing machine guns, about a tricked-out, machine gun packed motorcycle, countless decapitations, perfectly slimy bad guys, topless Lindsay Lohan, and all that beautiful low-brow humor and violence that most films just can't get away with. I just didn't like it. Exploitation is one thing, but I can't get over the fact that it plays far too much like a spoof. I of course might be alone in this sentiment. The sequel, Machete Kills, is due in theaters next summer.

Machete <---trailer (2010): * 1/2 /****