Jaws: The Revenge

We're on shark overload here so we might as well finish strong. Well, as strong as a third sequel in a progressively awful series allows. The Jaws series starts off on an epically strong film, follows with a pretty decent sequel, and then wraps up with two of the worst movies around. Putting a capper on the series, here's 1987's Jaws: The Revenge.

It's been years since her family has had to deal with shark attacks, and Ellen Brody (Lorraine Gary) is able to move on now. She's a widow -- Chief Brody died from a heart attack -- but living on Amity Island still. Her life is thrown up in the air when her son, a deputy on Amity, is killed by a great white shark. Ellen is convinced that it is a shark seeking revenge from her family's past involvement (read = killing) of sharks. Looking to get away some from her own demons, she travels with her oldest son, Michael (Lance Guest), and his wife and daughter to their home in the Bahamas. Everyone tries to convince her that her worries are absurd, but she can't shake the fear. Resting and relaxing though, Ellen is again shaken to the core when.....the shark shows up in the Bahamas!

Okay, let's clear this up now. This third Jaws sequel and fourth movie in the series is really bad. It currently possesses a 2.7 rating on IMDB and deservedly so. Now that said, I think it was miles ahead of Jaws 3-D, easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen on so many levels. To its credit, 'Revenge' basically pretends that 3-D never actually happened, and that's fine by me. What's bad is really bad. Whenever the shark is shown, you can actually see stitches in the shark, its bottomless mouth, the underwater crane actually transporting the shark. Still, it was filmed in the Bahamas (and that always looks nice), and the familiar Jaws theme is still cool. It's not good, but it is also isn't as God awful bad as some reviews made it out to be.

Maybe in some sort of existential sense, the premise here is pretty cool. Through three movies, the Brody family has dispatched their fair share of great white sharks. Ridiculous science assumptions aside, wouldn't it be kinda cool if a shark actually possessed the ability to grasp revenge? No? Okay, maybe it's just me. Sharks are killing and swimming machines so what if they were able to hunt someone specifically? Eh, the more I think about it the stupider it gets. The execution makes it worse. Ellen, Michael and Co. travel to the Bahamas and within three days a shark swims the entire trip down there from Amity Island. Yes, it follows them. A shark can somehow sense where they're going thousands of miles away and FOLLOWS them. Yeah, that's just not good.

Let's move onto the acting, ranging from really bad/wooden to meh to out of place. Reviews point to Gary's marriage with a studio exec as a main reason she reprises her role as Ellen Brody. It's eerily similar to the part Roy Scheider played in Jaws 2, but not as good. The part consists of her worriedly looking at the ocean with a vacant stare. Guest isn't much better, but he's a tad more animated at least (Karen Young playing his wife, they do have sex a lot, and Judith Barsi as their precocious daughter). In the bizarre 'Was he blackmailed into this movie?' casting, Michael Caine plays Hoagie, an island pilot who takes a shine to visiting Ellen. He's surprisingly good, but that's because he's Michael Caine more than anything else. Caine infamously once said "I never saw it, by all accounts it's terrible, but I have seen the house it built, and it's terrific." Also look for Mario Van Peebles as Jake, a Bahama marine researcher working with Michael, a truly cliched, stereotypical part that grates at all times.

A bomb in reviews and at the box office, the studio made an even stupider decision, inserting a new ending into the finale. SPOILERS STOP READING SPOILERS You can watch the original theatrical ending HERE, lousy but classic cinema compared to what the new ending is. The new finale actually has a shark jump clear out of the water, roar (because sharks can apparently roar), gets harpooned by the boat and spontaneously explodes. Footage from the original Jaws is even inserted (nice touch, huh?). One character is brutally bitten/attacked by the shark but manages to somehow survive. Yes, it's ridiculous. It certainly closes the series on a high note. Try as I might though, I can't give it as bad a rating as Jaws 3-D. I just can't. It's awful, but not on that level.

Jaws: The Revenge (1987): * 1/2 /****

Jaws 3-D

How do you make an unnecessary sequel even more unbearable? Add a gimmick! Here go we with one of the all-time worst sequels ever, 1983's Jaws 3-D. The original Jaws is a classic, Jaws 2 is pretty dumb but still entertaining, but this second sequel and third flick in the series is....Just....Plain....Awful.

Working at SeaWorld in Florida, Mike Brody (Dennis Quaid) is one of many employees readying for the opening of a new exhibit. It features underwater tunnels and a restaurant that allow park visitors to see what the ocean is like from an underwater perspective. The opening though has a minor hitch....a great white shark has been trapped in the enclosed water park, and it has already claimed a few victims. What to do? Working with his girlfriend and animal trainer Dr. Kay Morgan (Bess Armstrong), Mike and several other park workers manage to capture the shark, the first captured great white shark ever. Problem solved, right? Not so fast. The captured shark is the baby.....and it's mom is angry and also trapped in the park. Where exactly is this immense 35-foot shark hiding? Can they find it and kill it before it claims any more victims?

Oh, good Lord, this movie was awful. My viewing recently was the first time I'd ever really watched this sequel, and it will most definitely be the last. This dreck doesn't even have that quality of 'It's so truly bad that it's good and entertaining.' What's unfortunate is that the basic premise -- a killer shark trapped in a highly populated area -- has the potential to be at least mildly entertaining. That's all it is though, just potential. There are any number of deal-breakers here from the lousy acting to the poorly written script to the horrifically bad special effects, and I use that term ever so lightly. All instances that in itself would be bad, but wouldn't you know it? '3-D' offers all of the above for our viewing pleasure!

I'll kick things off with the 3-D element here. By 1983, studios had at least some semblance of technology available, but apparently director Joe Alves pissed someone off and didn't get any of that technology. The actual use of 3-D technology is laughable here. We get countless shots of dolphins, fish and assorted sea life swimming right at the camera. Watch out! They're going to swim right at us out of the television! That's just one thing though. At one point, the 35-foot shark swims directly at the camera, but it is so ridiculously fake-looking that I ended up laughing. The shark doesn't move, doesn't swim. It just appears to be floating at us menacingly. Then, when the shark -- SPOILERS STOP READING SPOILERS -- meets his maker, its blood and jaw come spiraling at us. I'm not a fan of 3-D anything (even when some money is spent on it), but when it's this bad.....wow, just wow.

Okay, moving on. Let's tackle the script here. Yes, you guessed it. It is awful. The shark is almost secondary to the story and takes a backseat to basically everything. The first 30 minutes are spent with Mike (son of Roy Scheider's Chief Brody) and Kay as they meet up with Mike's younger brother, Sean (John Putch), and try to get him to have some sex with slutty water skier Kelly Ann (Lea Thompson). There's never any rhythm to any of the story, just random attacks that we never really see clearly and then a bunch of explaining. The reveal that the shark they've caught is hysterical. Apparently the 35-foot shark is hiding in a ventilation pipe. Yep, it's just sitting there waiting to strike. Also look for Louis Gossett Jr. as the park manager, Simon MacCorkindale as hunter FitzRoyce with P.H. Moriarty as Tate, his hunting assistant.

There was an art to how the original Jaws presented the lurking shark and its impending attacks. John Williams' score here is thrown by the wayside, just the main 'Shark theme' making the transition here. It's stupid. We never really see any of the shark attacks, and all the tension goes out the window. What we see of the attacks are quick and hard to follow. It also ends on a highly inappropriate freeze frame. People have just died tragically and horrifically via shark attack, but Quaid's Mike jumps out of the water with a pump of his fist. A super-imposed dolphin jumps out of the water and twirls in the air. Yeah for survival! It goes beyond dumb and entertaining here. It's just dumb to the point I felt stupider having watched it.

Jaws 3-D (1983): */****

Jaws 2

Some movies are just too successful not to follow up. The first true summer blockbuster, 1975's Jaws was an instant classic, a film that's as successful in terms of story and characters as it is on a far more technical level. The question of course is that everything is wrapped up nicely in the original. We didn't need a follow-up, a sequel that explored more. On the other hand, money is a powerful motivator, isn't it? Let's continue with the series, 1978's Jaws 2.

It's been three years since Chief Brody (Roy Scheider) helped dispatch an immense great white shark terrorizing Amity Island, and things have gone relatively back to normal. His kids have grown up, and his wife, Ellen (Lorraine Gary), is working closely with development and construction on the island. In the midst of summer rush though, weird occurrences start to happen including the disappearance of two divers and a bizarre boating accident where the driver and water skier are both killed. A killer whale even washes up on shore with huge bites in its side. No one has witnessed anything funny though, but Brody is convinced that all the weird incidents, evidence and clues point to another great white shark patrolling the waters around Amity Island. Can he convince anyone else of what he believes before more lives are claimed?

Much like its classic predecessor, 'Jaws 2' seemed doom from the start. The Steven Spielberg directed film from 1975 was obviously able to right the ship, becoming a fan favorite and one of Hollywood's all-time best flicks. Making its follow-up though was far from a smooth ride. Filming started and went on for over a month before the studio decided it wanted to go in a different direction. In stepped director Jeannot Szwarc and the tone of the movie was lightened up a bit (as much as you can with a movie about a killer shark), some of the darker ideas left behind. Filming went on with some other issues developing, and the final product went on to gross over $200,000,000 at the box office.

If you're going to make an unnecessary sequel, might as well do it right. Less than pleased about having to play Chief Brody again, Scheider apparently had some pretty intense on-set incidents with director Szwarc and crew. You'd never guess from watching the finished product. In the original, Scheider was part of an ensemble, carving out his own niche alongside similarly scene-stealing Robert Shaw and Richard Dreyfuss. This is his film, and he embraces it (issues he was there at all aside). We see character development, especially considering how his earlier interactions with the shark impacted him. He becomes paranoid, even obsessed when the possibility of another shark arises. We see Brody's descent into that obsession, putting his job and family at risk. It's a character we like and sympathize with, and Scheider does a fine job.

Along with Scheider, Gary returns as Ellen Brody, Martin's wife who worries more and more about her paranoid husband. She believes him and supports him, but even she questions if he's lost his mind a little bit. Also returning is Murray Hamilton as Larry Vaughan, money-minded mayor of Amity Island.  Jeffrey Kramer plays Deputy Hendricks, Brody's goofy but well-meaning deputy.

Also setting it apart from the original is a more straightforward mentality. One of the most clever parts of the original is that we basically don't see the shark until the final third of the movie. The drama and tension builds until it's almost unbearable. Well, if you're watching a movie called 'Jaws 2,' you kinda know what it's about, right? No point in hiding the shark. The shark attacks are more aggressive, more in your face as we see the great white rip his victims to pieces (divers, swimmers, boaters, helicopters, stupid teenagers). Composer John Williams returns with his famous score, especially the main theme. Seeing the shark can be just as scary as the unknown, and we get our fair share of shark P.O.V. shots as he swims closer to his next meals. Similar to the original in the big picture, but it does enough to distance itself and create its own identity.

The biggest difference between the first two movies is the second hour. Instead of going on the hunt, Brody ends up being a rescuer. A bunch of horny, drinking teenagers, including Brody's son, Michael (Mark Gruner) and a tag-along younger son, Sean (Marc Gilpin), head out on their sailboats for the far-off lighthouse and more! The shark is in pursuit and wreaking havoc, Brody following behind in hopes of fending off the attacks. The build-up can be a little slow, but the last 45 minutes makes up for it. Also worthwhile to see how much it influenced future slasher films like Halloween and Friday the 13th among others. It's a solid ending to an enjoyable if unspectacular sequel.

Jaws 2 (1978): ***/****